J.D.: Oh...well...yeah...hmm...ok! Death is like a journey. A...a journey in a boat. Then this giant light shines down on your...your boat and carries you up to the Heavens.
Dr. Hedrick: That was the ending to "Cocoon"!
Dr. Cox: Oh, what are we still doing this, we have seen people in Mrs. Wilks' shape turn it around, right?
J.D.: She can totally turn it around.
Dr. Hedrick: Denial. Yeah... it's not uncommon for people close to the patient also going through the five stages of grief.
Dr. Cox: Is not denial, she could rally.
J.D.: Yeah, totally rally.
Dr. Hedrick: Oh, yeah, I mean look at her. She could be in a vitamin commercial.
Dr. Cox: How will you like to be in a broken jaw commercial?
Dr. Hedrick: Can't help me. I don't care if it does give me cancer, I just love this fake sugar. (Leaves)
Dr. Cox: If he keeps ignoring my threats...I'm gonna have to hit him.
J.D.'s narration: I was in the Porsche, I had never made it into the Porsche. It smelled like German heaven. I wasn't going to blow this opportunity. I had to be careful about every little...hey a rootbeer.
Dr. Cox: Don't open that soda, it has been rolling around on the floor for months, it will explode.
J.D.: Apparently you're not familiar with the John Dorian three tap method. Three taps and the foam goes bye, bye.
(He taps the can three times and opens it)
J.D.: Works everytime.
J.D.: The quickest way to my house is to take Elm.
Turk: What's up buddy, you need a ride?
J.D.: Keep moving C Bear.
He hid them in his pantalones. He loves these apples. He makes apples pie and apples juice with them.
Those are beautiful antlers.
I treat each and every one of you like unique individuals, ok? Take Gloria, for example. The woman's 400 years old. She needs to sleep a lot. I work around that schedule. Wolfman's got to be home by daybreak so he does all his work come nightfall. Crazy Barry's not allowed near children. We work around that.
Turk: Dude, you all right? You were gone for a really long time.
J.D.: You're gonna be an awful father!
J.D.: What guy drunkenly kissed you when you were sleeping?
J.D.'s narration: And it was at that moment that Turk and I remembered the incident we managed to block out for twelve years!
Turk: Uh, you're okay with us not hanging around for a couple of weeks?
J.D.: Dr. Cox, may I borrow your pen?
Dr. Cox: Not going to happen!! I had to strangle a nurse to get this clicky top.
J.D.: Pleeaasse! Im in the middle of a very threatening speech.
Dr. Cox: Return this pen or die painfully!
Cabbage and Mark: Yes sir.
J.D.: Oh no, Mark. I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Cabbage.
Mark: But my last name's Cabbage.
J.D.: I know that, but I've nicknamed you "Wolfman" for your keen sense of smell.
J.D.'s narration: And your ridiculously hairy torso.
J.D.: Now, what can I do you for?
Cabbage: Dr D., is the IV supposed to leak like this?
J.D.: Well, yes and no. Mostly no. Really, really all no.
Keith: How come I don't get a nickname?
J.D.: The other's surnames lend themselves to a nickname.
Keith: My last name is "Dudemeister"!
J.D.: What can I do with that? I'm not a magician!