Dr. Hedrick: Group, can you tell me what stage of grief Dr. Cox is going through?
Group: Anger.
Dr. Cox: You don't wanna see me angry.
J.D.: Nor do you wanna see me angry. (Imagines taking Hedrick's pencil and taking off the eraser with his mouth.) It's awful.

Dr. Cox: WE dont need any of your head shrinking.
J.D.'s narration: "We"! He said "we"! After all these years hes finally made us a team!
J.D.: Yeah, Hedrick! If it was up to us, WE would never even called you. WE can handle death just fine. WE might even be going into private practice together.
Dr. Cox: What!?
J.D.'s narration: Easy! That was not the time to discuss the Dorian-Cox clinic. Much less the relocation to Jacksonville.

(To Dr. Cox) Want me to bury you?

He hid them in his pantalones. He loves these apples. He makes apples pie and apples juice with them.

Turk: What's up buddy, you need a ride?
J.D.: Keep moving C Bear.

Turk: Dude, you all right? You were gone for a really long time.
J.D.: You're gonna be an awful father!

J.D.: Cabbage!
Cabbage and Mark: Yes sir.
J.D.: Oh no, Mark. I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Cabbage.
Mark: But my last name's Cabbage.
J.D.: I know that, but I've nicknamed you "Wolfman" for your keen sense of smell.
J.D.'s narration: And your ridiculously hairy torso.
J.D.: Now, what can I do you for?
Cabbage: Dr D., is the IV supposed to leak like this?
J.D.: Well, yes and no. Mostly no. Really, really all no.

Keith: How come I don't get a nickname?
J.D.: The other's surnames lend themselves to a nickname.
Keith: My last name is "Dudemeister"!
J.D.: What can I do with that? I'm not a magician!

Those are beautiful antlers.

J.D.: You're late Keith. Which doesn't surprise me, because you're a terrible person.
Keith: Sorry, I was helping with a gunshot victim downstairs.
J.D.: Lies won't get you anywhere, Keith.
Keith: I'm... covered in his blood.
J.D.: That could be anyone's blood.
Carla: Here's the gunshot victim from downstairs.
Gunshot victim: Hey, my blood!
J.D.: That's not your blood.
Gunshot victim: Yes, it is!
J.D.: Quiet time.

Dr. Cox: I would sooner leave my medical care in the hands of Dr. Acula. (J.D. gets excited) Yes, I read your vampire screenplay and as much as it pains me to say it, I didn't hate it. So here's what you have to do with this Keith: Turn the heat up on his ass and he'll make a mistake, then you'll bounce him the hell out of here.
J.D.: What did you think of the Transylvania dream sequence? Because I wrote it while I was on-call and the next morning and I read it and I was like, "What was I thinking?"
Dr. Cox: Bethany, focus.

I treat each and every one of you like unique individuals, ok? Take Gloria, for example. The woman's 400 years old. She needs to sleep a lot. I work around that schedule. Wolfman's got to be home by daybreak so he does all his work come nightfall. Crazy Barry's not allowed near children. We work around that.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 1681 in total

Scrubs Quotes

Check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag, I'm like a hamster yo.

Cole

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

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