Laurie: Zooey Descha-hell-no, what you two need is revenge. If someone hurts you, you hurt them right back.
Jules: Yeah revenge is better I'm in.
Andy: Me too.

Grayson: Cheer up, Trav will eventually come by, you raised him to be dependent and helpless.
Jules: Thanks Babe.
Grayson: I knew you'd take that as a compliment.

Travis: Oh my God, you want us to be friends?
Jules: Friends that can talk about anything. I want us to be friends with benefits. I didn't use that right, did I?

Grayson: First up, check out the truth: freshly waxed.
Jules: Oooh, it's like a brand new, slightly gay Ferrari.
Grayson: I wish you wouldn't call my beauty regimen "slightly gay."
Jules: And I wish you wouldn't say "beauty regimen.

Jules: Do her nipples look like mine?
Grayson: No.
Bobby: Yeah.
Bobby: Well, I got a hold of them before Trav did.

Travis: Admittedly, Game of Thrones gives me a giant nerdgasm, but I gotta warn you guys it's a little racy.
Jules: Oh Trav, we're adults, we can handle it - oh, wow, boobs already!

Grayson: Hey, where'd you go just now?
Jules: I was lying on the floor of the tub sobbing. You don't pee in that, right?

I can't believe we're in Napa. I think we're meeting God.

Grayson: There is no such thing as a happy stroke.
Jules: Then what did Kurt Douglas have?
Grayson: A stroke.

Jules: Taters are for laters.
Travis: She actually did say that.

Jules: I'm sorry we can't hang tonight because we all have a very big important thing we have to go to.
Ellie: That thing got cancelled. I do have a different thing that only I have to go to.

Ellie: I can't be married to someone in public office. Jules, I have to interact with people. You know I hate the people.
Jules: That's what you get for telling Holly our thing was cancelled.
Ellie: You know what I hope? The Karma Gods get you.