South Park

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Sister Anne: Now, let me explain how Communion works. The priest will give you this round cracker, and he will say, "The Body of Christ," and then you eat it.
Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?
Sister Anne: No.
Stan: But crackers are his body.
Sister Anne: Yes.
Kenny: What?!
Sister Anne: In the Book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, "eat this, for it is my body."
Cartman: So we won't go to hell as long as we eat crackers.
Sister Anne: Nononono!
Butters: Uh-well, uh-what are we eatin' then?
Sister Anne: The Body of Christ!
Stan: Nonono, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat him.
Sister Anne: No!
Stan: No??
Butters: Huh-I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers.
Sister Anne: Look: all you have to know is that when the priest gives you the cracker, you eat it! Okay?!
Kenny, Stan, Cartman: O-kay.

It's when you take your finger, and stick it down your asshole, and it makes you feel really good.

</i> Kenny

(to Kenny, who's eating a bowl of mints)
Kyle: Look, Kenny, I know your family's poor, but you cant just eat a bowl of mints for dinner...
Kenny: (Muffled) Well, f**k you.(Flips Kyle off)

You never f**king care when I die!

Stan: Kyle's gonna die Kenny, (starts crying) Herbal medicine is going to kill my best friend...
Kenny: (mumbled) That's it I'm sick of this bull sh** screw you guys, I'm goin' home!

(Stan and Kyle are at Cartman's house convincing Cartman to donate one of his kidney's to Kyle)
Stan: Dude, one of your friends are gonna die! Don't you see how serious this is?
Kenny(muffles): It's not that f**king serious!
Kyle: Coughs twice
Cartman: Well, perhaps I can see a way for giving up kidney for a price!
Stan: Oh my god!
Kyle: How much?
Cartman: I don't know, how much is your life worth to you, Kyle?
Stan: Cartman, you are SO going to hell when you die!
Cartman: Yes, well until then. I need about $10 million dollars.
Kenny(muffles): $10 MILLION DOLLARS?!?!?
Stan: What the hell will you do with $10 million dollars, fat ass?
Cartman: What I attend to do with the money isn't an issue is it? I suggest you start looking for that money quickly, Kyle doesn't seem have much time. Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Stan: C'mon Kyle! Let's get out of here!
Cartman: Ok, where were we Kenny? Oh yeah! Quick, Captain, we must destroy the engine of agent 5! Give me the space cruiser!
Cartman starts to grab the Space Cruiser out of Kenny's hands. Kenny starts to tug it back to him
Cartman: Give it Kenny meeh!

Mrs. McCormick: Yes, Kenny such a great name, my little Kenny, a brand new Kenny.
Mr. McCormick: God, this must be the fiftieth time this has happened.
Mrs. McCormick: Fifty-second.

Stan: Wow Kenny, your mom's pregnant, what are you going to do now?
Kenny: I don't know, but I gotta think of something.

(after Kenny hits his dad intentionally with a baseball)
Mrs. McCormick: What happened?
Mr. McCormick: He smacked me in the balls!

(Kenny is holding a plunger above his head and staring angrily at his mother)
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, hi Kenny. What are you doing?
(Camera pans back to angry plunger-holding Kenny)
Mrs. McCormick: Wh-What are you doin' Kenny?
(Camera pan)
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny..What are you goin' to plunge?

Stan: Dude, this isn't working.
Kyle: It's Kenny's singing!
Cartman: Yeah, Kenny, you have to sing better!
Kenny: (I'm singing as good as I can!)
Stan: Well, it's not good enough, Kenny! You have to get better! Try it again!
Grandpa: Aha, I knew it. They turned you into poofders.

Chef: Well look at you cute little crackers with your money and your fancy clothes and your cell phones. It's almost like you wereOh my God! Children, what have I told you about drugs?
Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny: There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 48 in total

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman