South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralKyle Broflovski Quotes
Stan: Okay we have to do this stupid report so... (Tweek freaks out) So let's figure out what to do it about.
(long pause)
Cartman: How about we do it on that Raymond guy on TV, you know everyone loves Raymond.
Kyle: No, Cartman, we can't do it on Raymond again. It has to be on a current event in South Park.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh hello son. How was your day?
Tweek: Arghhh!
Mrs. Tweek: Who are your little friends?
Tweek: What do you mean?
Kyle: We're his oral report buddies.
Stan: Yeah, we have to stay up all night to write it.
Mrs. Tweek: Well have some coffee boys. I'll brew up another pot for later.
Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like coffee.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh you'll like this coffee, it's fresh.
Mr. Tweek: Country fresh, like the morning after a rainstorm.
Stan: Okay.
Charles Manson: (after Kenny was shot to death by the police) Oh my god! They killed the little orange coat kid!
Kyle: You bastards!
Evil Kyle: We're here to take you back goody two-shoes.
Cartman: I've gotta better idea. Why don't you two going go *bleep* yourselves?
Cartman: Man you guys are hella-stupid. If I had money I wouldn't give it to you assholes.
Kyle: Well at least he's back to normal.
Stan: Yea but we can't get a pumpkin so we can't enter the carving contest.
Kyle: It's OK. Kenny said he could get one.
Cartman: Oh how's Kenny gonna get one. He's hella-poor.
Stan: Why do you keep saying hella fat ass?
Cartman: 'Cause I'm hella-cool that's why.
Kyle: That's not cool!
Cartman: You guys are just hella-jealous.
Stan: Dude, my mom's having her monthly visitor.
Kyle: Aunt Flo?
Stan: Yeah, every time she shows up - my mom turns into a total bitch!
Kyle: Dude, why is your store called The Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?
Shop Owner: Well, there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it.
Stan: So you just built your store on top of Indian burial ground?!
Shop Owner: Oh, hell no! First, I dug up all the bodies, pissed on 'em, and then buried them again upside-down.
Kyle: Why?
Shop Owner: Why? I don't know. I was drunk.
Cartman: Now zap his hella-ass back to you're hella-universe!
Kyle: Stop saying hella!
Evil Stan: Thought you could get away from us, huh, Cartman?
Evil Cartman: Please!
Kyle: Leave him alone, butthole!
Evil Kyle: Shut your trap, kid!
Stan: Why don't you guys take our Cartman back? He's more like you guys anyway.
Cartman: Hey, you back-stabbing sellout!
Chef: I hope you're ready for lunch children, because today I've got spooky spaghetti, and freaky french fries...
Stan: Uh, Chef?
Chef: ...and haunted hash browns, and a creepy cookie...
Kyle: Chef?
Chef: ...and monstrous milk, and a terrifying napkin!
Stan: CHEF!!
Stan: Oh my god, Ozzy Osbourne bit Kenny's head off!
Kyle: You bastard!
Stan: Dude, Chef is gone.
Kyle: No more Chef.
Cartman: No more salisbury steak and pecan pie. (sobs)
Elton John: Wake up Wendy, smell the coffee
Kyle: (To Stan) Dude, that's your song for Wendy!
Cartman: Ha-ha! You're a wuss! (Stan hits him)
