South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralKyle Broflovski Quotes
Chef: Doctor, we've got a shot-cracker outside!
Doctor: I'll be right with you in a minute, right after I inject this man with a long needle.
Stan: Oh, man. I'm gonna be sick...
Doctor: There there, young man. Medical science is nothing to be afraid of. (injects the needle and Stan groans)
Nurse: Ooh, I think you're hitting the bone...
(Stan groans again.)
Doctor: Yes, I can feel the needle scraping in there.
(The patient starts bleeding.)
Doctor: Oop! He's hemorrhaging.
(Blood lands near Stan as he leaps away and shrieks; the patients head then falls off.)
Doctor: Oop! His head fell off!
Stan: (running away) I'm getting outta here!
Kyle: Stan!
Doctor: Well, some people just have a weak stomach.
Dude, it's a dude.
(Stan and Kyle are still fighting when Kenny is pulled under the conveyor belt and killed)
Stan: Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
(A long silence as Stan waits for Kyle to say his usual line, "You bastards!")
Kyle: What?! I'm not talking to you!
(after Kyle fell into the cave)
Kyle: Is Cartman up there?
Cartman: I'm right here, Kyle.
Kyle: Cartman, you f(beep)king hunk of fat, rat-f(beep)king hunk of pig-f(beep)king ass fat.
Cartman: Oh yeah?! Oh yeah?! Say that to my face, pussy!
Cartman: Hey, you guys, this is just like that one movie and John Travolta and that French chick all summer long and they went back to school and sang songs about grease lightning, you know, that movie which the mean chick is all prissy, but that tiny chick has an abortion...
Stan and Kyle: Cartman, will you shut the hell up and get some more rope?
Cartman: Ah, screw you guys anyway.
Stan: Oh my god, they revived Gorac!
Kyle: You bastards!
Kyle: OK, we have to do this stupid report, so -
Tweek: Uhh! ERR! Uhh-Uhhn! Unh, Unh!
Kyle: - so let's figure out what to do it about.
Kyle: Do you ever think maybe you shouldn't give your son coffee?
Mrs. Tweek: Why would you say that?
Kyle: Well, look at him. He's always shaky and nervous.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh, that. He has A.D.D., attention defecit disorder. That's why he's so jittery all the time.
Kyle: Does anybody know anything about corporations?
Cartman: I think my mom is a corporation.
Stan: (sarcastically) Yeah, that makes sense.
Stan: Damn, dude this place is huge.
Kyle: Yeah, it's almost as big as Cartman's ass.
Cartman: (annoyed) No it isn't you guys.
Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got pussy?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a pussy, I'm not a pussy, you're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a pussy pussy gnome.
Mr Garrison: Settle down children, I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There's a possibility I'll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. (Stan raises his hand) Yes Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Kyle: Yeah!
Craig: Yeah, we dont care.
Cartman: That's fine.
Mr Garrison: (shouting) No it isn't! It makes you very sad!
