South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralKyle Broflovski Quotes
(Kyle walks in on his parents in bed together)
Kyle: Don't worry guys, I'm getting an erection as we speak! Well actually it's Cartman that's getting the erection but after he's gonna come over and give it to you, so buck up!
(Kyle leaves)
Sheila: We have a very strange little boy Gerald.
(Stan and Kyle arrive at Cartman's cross, three weeks after crucifying him)
Kyle: Wow!
Stan: That's amazing!
Cartman: (Not in view) You guys, I am really pissed off now!
Kyle: You're still alive?!
Cartman: Get me down from hyah!
Stan: You survived all this time on all the fat stored up in your body?
(camera switches to show a shrivelled Cartman on the cross)
Cartman: That's right. And when I get down from here, I'm gonna kick you both right in the nuts!
Stan: Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?
Kyle: No, I don't think so.
Kenny(muffled): How 'bout this?
Kyle: No, that's a hairdryer!
Store Clerk: Can I help you find something?
Kyle: Yeah, do you have any nerections?
Store Clerk: Any what?
Kyle: I need to get a nerection for my dad.
Store Clerk: Very funny, boys. Go on, beat it.
Stan: Why is that funny?
Kyle: Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time. And I heard them say it's because my dad doesn't have a nerection. So, I wanna get him one.
(The scene changes, and they're outside)
Kyle: Damn it, what the hell is wrong with everybody?!
Stan: That's the fifth store we've been kicked out of; why's it so hard to get a nerection?
Kenny(muffled): I know, it's f**kin' bullshit!
Kyle: I just wanna get a nerection so I can give it to my mom.
Random man on street: What?
Kyle: Hey, that went really well. They really liked it.
Cartman: Yeah, told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys.
Kyle: Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weight 400 pounds.
Cartman: Up your ass, with broken glass!
Kyle: Hey maybe Cartman was right.
Stan: Yea, it did happen one time before.
Guide: Don't worry. The snake is more afraid of us than we are of it.
(Snake hisses and wraps itself around the Guide)
Cartman: (sarcastically) Oh yeah. The snake's really afraid of us.
(Snake swallows the Guide whole)
Miss Stevens: Is he dead?
(Guide's skeleton exits the snake)
Kyle: I would say yes.
(After Kenny has been struck by lightning)
Kyle: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Stan: You bastards!
Kelley: Who!? Who killed him!?
Kyle: They...uh, they did.
Kelly: Who's they!?
Stan: ..They're bastards...
Stan: AHHH! SNAKE!
Kyle: No dude, that's a branch.
Stan: Oh. AHHH! SNAKE!
Kyle: No dude, that's the same branch again.
Stan: Oh.
Cartman: What if you don't have any rhythm?
Choir Teacher: Excuse me?
Cartman: Well, like my friend Kyle. He's Jewish, so he doesn't have any rhythm.
Kyle: Shut up, fat ass!
Stan: Choirs suck.
Mr. Garrison: Kyle Broflovski, you watch your language!! Eric Cartman, you be nice to people!! Stan Marsh, you mind your manners!! Kenny McCormick, you pay attention!! (sighs deeply and tells the choir teacher) Go ahead.
Stan: All we ever heard growing up was "save the rainforest. The rainforest is fragile."
Kyle: Yeah. Fragile, my ass!
Cartman: (about Mephesto) So, how's he doing?
Kyle: He's bleeding pretty bad back there.
Chef: Don't let him bleed on my Meredith Baxter-Birney memorial towel.
Kyle: What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney memorial towel?
Chef: I actually was with Meredith Baxter-Birney in this very car. And afterwards we used that towel to Wait a minute! Why am I telling you this?
Chef: (after lights come back on) Is everybody okay?? That sounded like a gunshot!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, my god! Look!
(Everybody sees Mephesto's body, which has been shot at.)
Kenny: (mumbling) Oh my god, they killed Mephesto!
Kyle: You bastard!
