Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSPopular Laurie Keller Quotes
There's a fun game - "Things Ellie Would Never Say."
Happy Valentines Day. Yeah it's a fake holiday, but we still want stuff. Xoxo The female writers P.S. Not lingerie - that's for you
Title Card
Uh, I think I sweated off my birth control patch.
Laurie: This will cheer you up! I have really good news?
Ellie: Are you sterile?!
Ellie: Should I remove your nuts?
Laurie: Oh, it's not you, she's just a horrible person.
Jules: What the hell was that?
Laurie: You're getting landlined.
Bobby: Well come on Mando, you're married Ellie. You're a seasoned crazy bitch whisperer. No offense.
Laurie: You know, he once bitch whispered me down from choking out a lady from using the handicap stall. Turns out she was handicapped, but, like, barely.
Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.
You're dressing like a lady who would do stuff for just a little bit of crack.
Laurie: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Ellie: You're an American treasure.
Grocery store jail, seriously?
Don't bum out Jules, not everyone is blessed with our God given lack of judgment.
