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The-simpsons

Red Carpet Interviewer: And Lisa, who are you wearing?
Lisa: I believe it's from Lamps Plus.

Marge: (to Homer) We have to take in Mr. Brockman. He wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Homer: Oh, sure! Put down a simple guy like me who works hard and plays by the rules!
Bart: Dad, you barely go to work at all.
Lisa: And you're constantly flouting the law.
Homer: I'm willing to change my mind and that makes me great.

Homer: Hey suckers, check it out! Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery.
Lisa: You're going to the dentist too, Dad.
Homer: (Thoughtfully) Why the cemetery? I wondered. But my dreams were too strong.

Lisa: One thing I've always wondered How can Fox News be so conservative when the Fox Network keeps airing raunchy shows? They don't fit together.
(Lisa then proceeds to flips channels between Fox News and Fox Network until Kent Brockman takes the remote control away from her.)
Kent: Fox deliberately runs shows that will earn them huge fines which are then funneled through the F.C.C. straight to the Republican Party. Everybody in the media knows it, but no one has the guts to say it.

Homer: I'm sorry Lisa, but I won't live under the same roof as a member of the liberal media!
Lisa: You'll have to excuse him, he's been watching a lot of Fox News.
Homer: Did you know that every day Mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain-dead ladies?

Bart: I might be able to stop them, but I need a schematic of Jimbo's house!
Lisa: Jimbo drew a couple pictures of his house in second grade, but I can't vouch for their accuracy. The teacher gave them a frowny face.

(Homer picks up the bomb which has 7 seconds left till it blows)
Homer: Oh a thermos! And it has 7 cups of coffee left.
(The bomb changes to 6)
Homer: No wait, 6.
Lisa: Dad! That's a bomb!
Homer: Ah! You take it!

Milhouse: Lisa, if I don't make it back, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.
Lisa: I've already read it.
Principal Skinner: We've all read it.

Lisa: I've got something! The sixth grade security camera shows three empty desks.
Principal Skinner: Enhance!
(Camera zooms in on desk with "Skinner Stinks" carved into it)
Principal Skinner: De-hance! De-hance!

Homer: There sure is a lot of corn in this parking lot.
Lisa: Dad, we're in the MAZE!

Dad, why don't you throw me in the air and I can see which way is out? (he does) Corn. (again) More corn. (again) Another kid getting thrown in the air. (again) Witches' coven. (again) Seattle Space Needle. (again) Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You. (again) Oh, I'm getting dizzy. (again) And corn again.

</i> Lisa

Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? He's not slimy at all, he's scaly.
Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! He is slimy!
Bart: That's because I soaked him in slime!

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 438 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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