Liz: I'm the one with the performance problem. I freaked out and my junk closed for business. It's like Fort Knox down there.
Driver: I'm just going to raise the barrier if that's okie dokie with everyone.

I just need to see him and I can't get a cab because Greece is playing Pakistan in soccer.

Liz: Your lizard cannot be the music guest on the show.
Tracy: Of course not! His album doesnt drop until December!

Liz: No breaking. Promise?
Tracy: I promise. I swear on my mother's grape.
Liz: Did you say grave or grape?
Tracy: Yes. Goodbye.

You'll never be a millionaire! Hahaha. Slumdog Millionaire ref...Blam-o.

Jack: Why are you better looking in your memory?
Liz: My memory had Seinfeld money.

Liz: I don't know if he's mentioned this to you a hundred times, but he went to Harvard.
Jack: So we know he's smart and superb at masturbation.

Hey, will you ask Congress where they put the USA Network. I've been trying to find Monk for like three months.

Liz: You comin' downstairs?
Jack: And stand outside in a crowd like some Italian? I don't think so.

Liz: This is one of the three things I like: Ina Garten, sweater weather and...
Carol: When Muppets present at awards shows?

Liz: The next time you hallucinate just tell yourself "this is not real. I am in control of this."
Tracy: Like the World Cup.

Liz: The bathrooms are so much cleaner than at home... I don't know how they do it.
Jack: They clean them.

30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Oh, I'm not worried because I have something the other actors don't.
Liz: Don't say your sexuality.
Jenna: My sexuality.
Liz: Oh, god, Jenna! When has that ever worked?
Jenna: When has it not worked?!

Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day. Is nothing sacred anymore?