Peter: Lois, do you have any idea what i'm looking at right now?
Lois: Peter, we're not doing this again.
Peter: I am at Harvard, the smartest school in the country. And they have...
Lois: Peter, breakfast for dinner is anarchy!
Peter: It's fun, Lois! It's whimsical!
Lois: It's ridiculous! Pancakes are not a nighttime food!
Peter: You're ridiculous!

Lois: Remember kids, if it's terrible, at the end we all say "You did it!"
Stewie: I can't believe we're going to the theater the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle. I mean, don't we need a day to clear our heads?

Brian: I think, I think we're launching!
Lois: Oh my god, everyone strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand.
Stewie: No thanks, I prefer to die giving you the finger.
Peter: If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.

Peter: On the way back, we're stopping at that Down syndrome camp we passed.
Lois: Peter, that was the University of Florida.

That sounds awfully lonely, like being an NBA player on the road.

Lois: You guys shouldn't have done this!
Stewie: Hey, any time you can celebrate the end of someone's periods.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a bunch of times. As long as you come to your senses within 15 minutes, everything's fine.

Lois: He seems nice.
Peter: Sorry, I missed all that. I was tweeting.

Lois: And this is Meg's brother Chris.
Kent: Oh yeah, I've seen you around school. You eat with the deaf kids, right?
Chris: One of them isn't all the way deaf.
Kent: What grade are you in again?
Chris: It's still being worked out by a team of counselors.

Meg, are you asking in this day and age, when the CEO of Xerox is a woman, when the president of Brazil is a woman, even Rosie O'Donnell is a woman, whether it's appropriate for a girl to ask a boy out on a date? Of course it's appropriate! It's also sad and desperate and I would never do it, but you're not me, are you sweetie?

Honey, give me any laundry you have. I'm doing a diapers-and-Meg load.

Lois: We made it! We proved that we're not second best!
Ross Fishman: Well, look who finally got here!
Lois: You beat us?
Pam Fishman: Don't feel too bad. We only beat you by one hour, twelve minutes, and forty-two seconds.
Ross: And quite frankly, we're bored of it up here. So you guys enjoy it, we're gonna head back down.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Oh wow. Wow, if I were a woman, I would press my bare boobs up against glass in public, just for the SEXUAL THRILL! THE SEXUAL THRILL!!!

Joe