Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXLois Griffin Quotes
Lois: Peter, will you stop being so jealous? I dated Ross 20 years ago.
Peter: That's right, that means he had you first, Lois. I'll always be Scottie Pippen to his Michael Jordan.
Lois: Wow, congratulations on your grand re-opening, Mort! Looks like your customers are coming back!
Mort: Thanks, Lois! It's good to be up and gouging again!
Peter: I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.
Lois: You know, there's something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family.
Brian: Come on, Lois, I think you're overreacting. What's so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies?
Lois: Buddies? You're one of his buddies?
Brian: Yeah, and you know why? 'Cause I don't try to tell what he can and can't do.
Lois: Oh, please, Brian. You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. You're his property.
Lois: How could you do this? You have a family!
Peter: For once, could you visit me in jail and not criticize me?
"Look at them, they're getting along like Billy Bob Thornton and his cat!"
Eric: "Hi! I'm a nude vampire."
Alcide: "Hi! I'm a nude werewolf."
Sookie: "And that's the show!"
Lois: "Peter, come down! That gay show you like is on."
"I have three very wide-eyed children to feed."
Thief
"If you think I'm going to masturbate after this tonight...you're right!"
Chris
Ida: "Oh my, maybe it's time for us girls to hit the powder room."
Lois: "You may hit the yard."
Bonnie: "This food is so f*cking good Lois."
Lois: "Oh ok...wow."
"Well, laundrium insertum!"
Lois:Oh my god, not that guy. Isn't he the one that beats her?
Peter: Yea, but she's gotten a LOT better.
