Bonnie: "This food is so f*cking good Lois."
Lois: "Oh ok...wow."

"Well, laundrium insertum!"

Lois:Oh my god, not that guy. Isn't he the one that beats her?
Peter: Yea, but she's gotten a LOT better.

Lois: Is it a blood diamond?
Peter: Only the bloodiest.

Peter: Hey, check it out! It's another chick! The only other chick in the galaxy!
Lois: I don't like her.

Peter: Who braided your hair? Did the Ewoks braid your hair? So they use spears with wooden tips but understand the finer points of cosmetology?
Lois: I know...it's not as good as Empire.

I'm from Alderaan. It's kind of the Mississippi of the galaxy.

Well, can we at least do some Muppet-style sight-seeing first?

Lois: Not a lot of people of color here but the ones that are black are really black.
Bonnie: I noticed that.

Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.

Meg: Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
Lois: Look who the bleep is talking!

Brian: Good morning everyone!
Lois: Ah crap, he's in love again.

Family Guy Quotes

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)