Michael: Who here has been the but of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us everyday.
Kevin: Yeah. Every single day.
Michael: Uh, you never said anything.
Meredith: Uh, we have. Countless times.
Michael: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying "Stop! Because I want you to stop" and "Stop!" as in "Stop you're making making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll I am a busting a gut. Stoppp!"
Angela: That's never been the case.

Michael: Any messages?
Erin: You're soaking wet.
Michael: Jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain. Flash winds, flash lightning.
Phyllis: Wow. Sounds scary.
Michael: It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't!
Angela: Why isn't Jim wet?
Jim: I... outran it.
Meredith: I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Michael: It rained.
Dwight: Michael, can I get you something? A towel, some cocoa?
Michael Scott: Nothing. Cocoa.

Michael: What topics, can you use for small talk?
Andy: Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews-
Michael: Yes, what else?
Creed: Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes.
Michael: No.
Meredith: The weekend.
Michael: Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker."

All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigar and I'm not stopping for anybody.

Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam: Jim?
Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.

My kid needs shoes! You wanna tell him he doesn't get shoes!?

Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, uh...
Meredith: We have.

Meredith: Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances.
Dwight: Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.
Pam: How do you figure?
Dwight: Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.
Oscar: Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.
Pam: Let's do this.

Andy: You don't understand clothing, Toby. You're dressed like this amorphous blob of khaki.
Toby: All right, look, what you gotta understand is that when you come to work, you give up certain rights.
Dwight: Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.
Toby: All right, come. Sit down, Dwight.
Dwight: No.
Toby: I'm running this meeting.
Dwight: That's debatable.
Toby: It's not. It's not. Sit down or I am writing you up.
Meredith: Ooh, where has this guy been?
Toby: Casual Fridays are cancelled. [everyone protests] Let's just not do it anymore.
Andy: You're running from the problem.
Toby: There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole--except mine, quite honestly.

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