This is great. Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know.

Bart: Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, I come before you today to solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: What has four legs and ticks?
Milhouse: A walking clock?
Nelson: A walking clock!
Martin: I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box!
Edna: Bart, is it a walking clock?
Bart: What?.....No, it's my dog.

Milhouse: Bart, look! It's Principal Skinner. And I think he's gone crazy he's not wearing a suit or tie or anything!
Bart: Principal Skinner? Um, I'm real sorry about my dog getting you fired, and biting you, and then getting it on with your leg.

Lisa: I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this phallocentric society of ours--
Mr. Burns: I don't know what phallocentric means, but no girls!
Milhouse: (dressed as a girl) So much for Plan B.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...

Mr. Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.
Milhouse: (to his mom and dad) I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

Milhouse: (pointing out the window) What's that building over there?
Box Factory Tour Guide: That's just a TV studio where they film Krusty the Clown and other non-box-related programs. Since it has nothing to do with boxes, I'll just shut these blinds.

Box Factory Tour Guide: This is the most popular room in the tour.
Milhouse: It's just like the other rooms.
Box Factory Tour Guide: Yes, but with one important difference. (Looks to his side) Oh, they took that out. Yes, it is just like the other rooms.

Bart: (seeing his reflection in Milhouse's glasses) I'm a nerd!
Milhouse: (seeing his reflection in Bart's glasses) So am I!

Bart: Okay, we're young, rich, and full of sugar. What do we do?
Milhouse: Let's go crazy, Broadway-style!
Bart and Milhouse: (singing) Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town; the schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down; the stray dogs go to the animal pound. Springfield, Springfield! Springfield, Springfield!
Sailor: New York, New York!
Bart: New York is that a-way man!
Sailor: Thanks kid!
Bart and Milhouse: It's a hell of a town!

Bart: Aw, I'm out of money.
Milhouse: Don't say that out loud.
(Security men watching them on TV screens.)
Security Man: Caucasian males out of money in sector four. Go to code red.

Edna: The wireless was an invention by Guglielmo Marconi. Who can tell me what his first message was?
Bart: Uh
Milhouse: I want-a change-a my name!
(Everyone laughs)
Edna: (chuckling) Oh, good one, Milhouse. Anyone else? The first message by wireless?
Bart: It was
Martin: Our tenth caller will receive tickets to Supertramp!
(everyone laughs)

The Simpsons Quotes

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart