Edna: The wireless was an invention by Guglielmo Marconi. Who can tell me what his first message was?
Bart: Uh
Milhouse: I want-a change-a my name!
(Everyone laughs)
Edna: (chuckling) Oh, good one, Milhouse. Anyone else? The first message by wireless?
Bart: It was
Martin: Our tenth caller will receive tickets to Supertramp!
(everyone laughs)

Milhouse: I checked around... the girls are calling you Fatty Fat Fat Fat and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants. But, nobody's trying to kill ya.
Bart: Aaah... that's good.
Nelson: pulls down pants
Group Of Girls: Fatty fat fat fat, fatty fatty fat fat!

Bart: Oh boy! Free trading cards!
Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! 26 conversions in A.D. 46.
Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card!
Flanders: (chuckles) Well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion could be fun?
Bart: Religion?
Milhouse: Learning?
Nelson: Let's get out of here!

Kurt: Milhouse and I are next.
Otto: There's no suspense at your place. Even I hooked up with your old lady. Sorry, kid.
Milhouse: You were my favorite uncle, Uncle Otto.

Milhouse: Is the yellow one lemon or pineapple?
Lunchlady Doris: It's your pet canary

Moe: Get your throwing stuff! Turn the protest into a riot!
Milhouse: How much for a tomato?
Moe: Fresh stuff for a dollar. Rotten is two bucks.
Kirk: Son, do you really need the rotten? I mean, it's not like you're actually gonna hit him.

Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
Milhouse: Yes, sir.

Trab pu kcip! Trab pu kcip!

Milhouse: I've seen the Itchy and Scratchy Movie 13 times.
Nelson: I've seen it 17 times!
Bart: You must be getting pretty tired of that movie by now, huh?
Milhouse: No one who saw the movie'd say that!
Nelson: Let's get him!

Mr. Black: Now I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat.
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny.

Mr. Black: I'll take any questions you might have... you? And then uum.... one more.
Milhouse: Can we call you Uncle Blackie?
Mr. Black: No.. last question...

After that fateful day I could never even look at Eliza again. It didn't help that the next day he drank bad well water and went blind.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...