The Simpsons

Moe Szyslak Quotes (Page 4)

Moe: (answers phone) Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's here.
(Homer gestures "no")
Moe: Oh, oh you want Homer! Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant "Himmler." Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the "Heimlich Manure?"
Marge: Those are two different people!
Moe: Yeah, well, they're both here and neither one is your husband. This press conference is over. (hangs up)
 • Rating: Unrated

(After Homer opens a shipping crate)
Grampa: Moe?! You shipped yourself here?
Moe: No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moe: Listen, Homer: in the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I saw this ad in a gentleman's magazine for excited African honeys and that's what they sent me. If we could combine them with Lisa's bees, it would make them strong enough to survive any environment.
Homer: But how are we supposed to combine the DNA of two strains of the same species?
Moe: Actually, Homer... (whispers)
Homer: (gasps) You and me?
Moe: No, the bees!
Homer: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, too. I... have no... inclination.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: (seeing what her parents are up to) Tracking software? (gasps) You're spying on Bart!
Marge: Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
Moe: (Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement) That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. (Laughs) Soon, you'll be mine.
FBI Agent #1: (observing Moe via spy camera) Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moe: I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Any minute now, he'll scamper through that doggy door.
Homer: Any minute now, I'll be the dog she's lookin' for.
Barney, Moe, Lenny, and Carl: Any minute now, you'll be stuck with her brood.
Patty and Selma: Any minute now, this pooch will know she's screwed.
Marge: My hearts tells me to trust him.
Patty and Selma: But your head knows he's a hound.
Homer: I want to do the right thing.
Moe: Come on! With all this high class tail around?
(Hooker Dog smokes a cigarette, coughs badly)
Fleas: Any minute now, our girl will make a brand new start.
Patty and Selma: Yes!
Marge: Any minute now, I won't care that broke my heart.
Marge and Homer: Annnny minnnute nooooow.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Moe tries stealing a man's watch, but the man sees him.)
Moe: Oh, I wasn't trying to steal your watch. I--I--I was just coming on to you.
Man at Bar: Okay, let's go back to my place.
Moe: Oh, boy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Kent Brockman reports on the Springfield presidential primary.)
Kent Brockman: With Springfield's primary now first in the nation, our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hacks, flacks, Russerts, Blitzers and even the occasional voter. (to Moe) Sir, do have a preference?
Moe: Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop.
Kent Brockman: Oh. Are you a registered voter?
Moe: I'm a registered something.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moe: Who wants to abolish democracy forever? Show of hands.
Carl: I could really go for some kind of military thing like, uh, Juan Pern. When he disappeared ya, you stayed disappeared.
Lenny: Plus his wife was Madonna.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer celebrates his new job, while at Moe's.)
Homer: I've got tow dough I'm lookin' to blow, Moe.
(Homer spreads some money on the bar.)
Moe: Huh?
Homer: I'm buying a round of the fanciest drink you got.
Moe: Four "Lobster-politans" comin' up.
 • Rating: Unrated

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