The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons

Homer: Moe, I can save you if you let go of the grandfather clock.
Moe: But it's been in my family for over 40 seconds!

(bowing to Homer) King of thieves, we worship you!

Apu and Moe

(Moe's character, a troll, appears)
Moe: I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Marge: Wow, Moe. You're a troll.
Moe: What? No. My character's suppose to look like me. (Angrily) Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll? (He storms off under a bridge, stomps around and mutters angrily)

(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)

Why am I payin' $14.95 a month for this?

</i> Moe

Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
Moe: Sure.
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)

My dad was a circus freak but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

I hate this Homer jerk with his beautiful wife and loving family, when all I got is this doorway.

Carl: Hey can you fix the sound?
Lenny: And the color?
Moe: And show it in a regular theatre?

Wow, even I ain't hopin' for porn.

</i> Moe

Carl: What's wrong Moe?
Moe: I just got this strange feeling Homer's in trouble.
Lenny: That's weird I just got this strange feeling some guy I don't know named Fausto is in trouble.
Moe: Come on we got to save Homer!
Lenny: And Fausto!

Patty: Elvis Stojko is so handsome!
Selma: He can grease up my skates anytime!
Moe: Don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly in the lutz?
Elvis Stojko: That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.
Moe: Made up girlfriend, made up city!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 127 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

× Close Ad