Moe Szyslak Quotes
Why did I advertise my drinks specials in "Scientific American?"
- Permalink: Why did I advertise my drinks specials in Scientific American?
Moe: Listen, Homer: in the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I saw this ad in a gentleman's magazine for excited African honeys and that's what they sent me. If we could combine them with Lisa's bees, it would make them strong enough to survive any environment.
Homer: But how are we supposed to combine the DNA of two strains of the same species?
Moe: Actually, Homer... (whispers)
Homer: (gasps) You and me?
Moe: No, the bees!
Homer: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, too. I... have no... inclination.
- Permalink: In the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I sa...
Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? (Homer eats an orange) Simpson?!
Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny.
Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange.
Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, not to the eye that has brains; I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards... (devours it)
- Permalink: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? Simpson?! Huh? Yeah, I was li...
Homer: (playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips) Ew! Don't try to eat these so called "chips".
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
(takes four cards)
Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, "woo hoo".
Moe: I'm in.
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing.
(lays out cards)
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa!
(takes chips and looks at cards)
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this every time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!
- Permalink: Ew! Don't try to eat these so called chips. Are you gonna take...
Moe: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts her butter, heh heh.
Marge: Get out! Everyone get out now!
Apu: Ooooh, she's got to have it!
- Permalink: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts he...
Moe: Hey Clinton, get back to work!
Bill Clinton: Bite me.
- Permalink: Hey Clinton, get back to work! Bite me.
Homer: Ned, since you've let me spend time with your family, I want you to get to know my family. (they go to Moe's) Hey, everyone.
Homer: I'd like to introduce Ned Flanders, my best friend.
Moe: Hey, I don't want no one in here with their "evils of alcohol" rap.
Ned: Wait a second: you're the man at the hospital who reads to sick children.
Moe: (grabs Ned) If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.
- Permalink: Ned, since you've let me spend time with your family, I want you...
Ned: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to do something about this burglar-ino, I propose we start out own neighborhood watch (pause) aroony! (everyone cheers) Now, who should lead the group?
Everyone: (cheering again) Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Ned: Well, I don't have much experience, but I'd be--
Moe: Someone else!
Ned: (more cheers) Someone else! Someone else! Someone else!
Homer: I'm someone else!
Lenny: He's right!
Homer: We don't need a thinker, we need a doer! Someone who'll act without considering the consequences!
- Permalink: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to d...
Homer: Now we need code names. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball.
Moe: You're an idiot.
- Permalink: Now we need code names. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-B...
Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya?
Homer: I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs?
Jimbo: Can I!
Homer: You're in. Here's the sack.
Moe: But you gotta supply your own doorknobs.
- Permalink: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya? I don't kn...
Grampa: You see? Old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old and he outsmarted the lot of you. And I'm even older and I outsmarted him. (Laughs)
Moe: Shut up.
Grampa: I've had my moment.
- Permalink: You see? Old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old an...
Marge: I don't think the guns are a good idea!
Homer: Marge! We're responsible adults a--
Homer: And if a group of responsible adults can't handle firearms in a responsible way--
Captain McCallister: Sorry!
Principal Skinner: Uh oh!
Moe: Me again...
- Permalink: I don't think the guns are a good idea! Marge! We're responsib...