Moe Szyslak Quotes
(Homer celebrates his new job, while at Moe's.)
Homer: I've got tow dough I'm lookin' to blow, Moe.
(Homer spreads some money on the bar.)
Homer: I'm buying a round of the fanciest drink you got.
Moe: Four "Lobster-politans" comin' up.
- Permalink: I've got tow dough I'm lookin' to blow, Moe. Huh? I'm buyi...
Eh it was either this or put in a ladies' room.
- Permalink: Eh it was either this or put in a ladies' room.
Patty: I don't need a man, for I have England!
Moe: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
- Permalink: I don't need a man, for I have England! Yeah, you keep telling...
Moe: (answers phone) Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's here.
(Homer gestures "no")
Moe: Oh, oh you want Homer! Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant "Himmler." Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the "Heimlich Manure?"
Marge: Those are two different people!
Moe: Yeah, well, they're both here and neither one is your husband. This press conference is over. (hangs up)
- Permalink: Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's he...
Moe: You gotta make me shorter, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) What do you mean?
Moe: I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.
Dr. Hibbert: What your asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would preform that operation.
(Cut to Dr. Nick about to put the anesthesia mask on Moe)
Dr. Nick: Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.
Moe: No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.
Dr. Nick: Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.
(A shortened Mr. Largo walks in)
Mr. Largo: (screams) I look nothing like Julie Newmar!
- Permalink: You gotta make me shorter, Doc. What do you mean? I mean ta...
(After Homer opens a shipping crate)
Grampa: Moe?! You shipped yourself here?
Moe: No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now.
- Permalink: Moe?! You shipped yourself here? No, it's how you fly coach on...
Lisa: (seeing what her parents are up to) Tracking software? (gasps) You're spying on Bart!
Marge: Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
Moe: (Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement) That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. (Laughs) Soon, you'll be mine.
FBI Agent #1: (observing Moe via spy camera) Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
- Permalink: Tracking software? You're spying on Bart! Honey, keeping tra...
Moe: Pretty much if it moves, you can bet on it.
Homer: What about the Detroit Lions?
Moe: Hey, lay off Detroit. Them people is livin' in Mad Max times.
- Permalink: Pretty much if it moves, you can bet on it. What about the Det...
Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.
- Permalink: What a cheap date. I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be ...
Sideshow Mel: At least the cup is lined with felt.
Moe: Hey Mr. Positive, shut the hell up.
- Permalink: At leas the cup is lined with felt. Hey Mr. Positive, shut the...
Why did I advertise my drinks specials in "Scientific American?"
- Permalink: Why did I advertise my drinks specials in Scientific American?
Moe: Listen, Homer: in the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I saw this ad in a gentleman's magazine for excited African honeys and that's what they sent me. If we could combine them with Lisa's bees, it would make them strong enough to survive any environment.
Homer: But how are we supposed to combine the DNA of two strains of the same species?
Moe: Actually, Homer... (whispers)
Homer: (gasps) You and me?
Moe: No, the bees!
Homer: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, too. I... have no... inclination.
- Permalink: In the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I sa...
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