Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya?
Homer: I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs?
Jimbo: Can I!
Homer: You're in. Here's the sack.
Moe: But you gotta supply your own doorknobs.

Grampa: You see? Old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old and he outsmarted the lot of you. And I'm even older and I outsmarted him. (Laughs)
Moe: Shut up.
Grampa: I've had my moment.

Marge: I don't think the guns are a good idea!
Homer: Marge! We're responsible adults a--
(Gun shot)
Moe: Whoops!
Homer: And if a group of responsible adults can't handle firearms in a responsible way--
(Gun shot)
Captain McCallister: Sorry!
(gun shot)
Principal Skinner: Uh oh!
(Gun shot)
Moe: Me again...
(Gun shot)
Bart: Sorry.

Homer: Moe, I need your advice... See I've got this friend named Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.
Guy: (Runs out of the bar, crying)
Barney: Aye! Joey Joe Joe!

Moe: They're headed for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not!
Moe: Well then, let's go to the old mill anyway to get some cider!

Ned: (inner child) Stay the course, big Ned. You're doing super!
Homer: (inner child) Food goes in here! (talking) It sure does.
Moe: (inner child) Hey, Moe, what's-a-matter? You no talka with you accent no more. (talking) Mama Mia!

We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.

Moe: Hey Barney, what'll it be?
Barney: I'd like a beer, Moe!
Barney's Girlfriend: I'd like a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's hat.
Moe: Here you go!

Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog.

Simon: How do you like LA?
Moe: It's a hell of a city. It's like someone stepped on New York and scraped it off on the beach.

I don't need your fair-weather friendship... is what I'll be saying tomorrow morning.

Manjula: My eyes have more bags than the Darjeeling Limited.
Moe: Hah, that's probably a good one.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mayor Quimby: And, uh, may the Force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Mayor Quimby: Sure, I do. You're one of the Little Rascals, right?