The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Smithers: Wanna buy some cookies, wanna buy some cookies?
(Santa's Little Helper runs up to Smithers and greets him)
Burns: If that were a real girl scout, I would have been bothered by now!

Rich Man: Would you care to bet a million dollars.
Mr. Burns: Oh, if we're going to bet, why not make it interesting?
Rich Man: What, a million dollars isn't interesting to you?
Mr. Burns: Oh, did you say a million? I'm sorry, my mind was elsewhere. I thought you'd start with a small amount, then we'd slowly bait each other, and . . . well, you know how it goes. Yes, certainly, a million will be fine.

Burns: You, Strawberry, hit a home run.
Strawberry: Okay, skip.
(hits a home run)
Burns: Ha-ha! I told him to do that.
Smithers: Brilliant strategy sir.

Burns: It's a brain and nerve tonic, full of proteins and electromagnetic juices.
Griffey: (takes a sip) Wow! It's like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited!

Mr. Burns: Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name.

Burns: These two gentlemen are American as apple pie! Hans and Fritz, why that's just... John and Frank!
Quimby: Ich bin ein Springfielder
Carl: Oh this ain't good!
Homer: We'll all lose our jobs!
Marge: Look at all those worried faces, except for Lenny, he looks great!
Lenny: (with mouth surgery) This is the worst day of my life.

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

Smithers: What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eye? The Shampoo specifically said, "No more tears!"
Mr. Burns: Ah, lovely promise but, one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.

Mr. Burns: I wanted to give you something to remember me by, I know you've always had your eye on this photo of Elvis and me!
Smithers: He was so good to mother, sir!
Mr. Burns: Yes, but I couldn't understand a word that man said! (Impersonating Elvis) Mistah Burrs, duhs a boom hang gasson for hound dawg!
Smithers: (Laughing) Stop it, you're killing me sir!

You see that queen over there? Her name is Smithers.

Homer: Let me ask you something: does your money cheer you up when you're feeling blue?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
Homer: Okay, bad example. So let me ask you this: does your money ever hug you when you come home at night?
Mr. Burns: Why, no.
Homer: And does it say "I love you"?
Mr. Burns: No, it doesn't.
Homer: (chanting) Nobody love you, nobody loves you...

Ooh Smithers! A blue-collar bar! Let's go slumming!

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 175 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!