Mr. Burns: Hello my name is Mr. Snrub and I come from some place far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!

Mr. Burns: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (cackles evily) There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!

Mr. Burns: I want you to show this woman the time of her life.
Homer: Gotcha! Marge, we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice!

Smithers: I prepared a special musical number for Jack's special night.
Smithers: There is a man.
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man.
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name.
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns.
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke.
Mr. Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Mr. Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Mr. Burns: I'm MR. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty, but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns.
Mr. Burns: Burns!

Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off you!
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

Mr. Burns: I must have her! Smithers, zoom in. Closer! Closer! Closer, dammit!
(the camera hits Marge in the head)
Marge: Ow!
Mr. Burns: Too close.

Smithers, this is a golden opportunity. If we get him alive, we can put him on Broadway. Dead, we can sell monkey stew to the army!

Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.

Marge: Am I going too?
Mr. Burns: Of course! We can't go without the bait...-thing beauty, the...bathing beauty. Ah, I covered that up nicely.

Colonel Burns, why ... I haven't heard my father's name in years.

Well neighbor, I see you've got your running shoes on, that's a good thing!....Smithers, release the hounds.
(Flanders runs and screams like a litle girl)

What makes a man endanger his job, and, yes, even his life, by asking me for money?

The Simpsons Quotes

The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!