Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Brad Goodman: Let me hear what's troubling you. Don't be shy, yell it out. Everybody, go!
Mayor Quimby: I, er, can't commit to a relationship.
Mr. Burns: I'm too nice!
Apu: I have problems with--
Lenny: I'm always interrupting people!

Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Come in, come in. Ah, more victims for the vicious undead.
Smithers: Uh, you're supposed to let go of the button.
Vampire Burns: Well son of a bi--(lets go of the button)

Marge: I think there is something a little off about him.
Homer: Yeah, his hairdo is so queer.
Vampire Burns: I heard that!
Homer: It was the boy!

Mr. Burns: Who's that goat-legged fellow, Smithers? I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock.

(Homer puts stake in Mr.Burns)
Homer: Take that!
(Homer hits stake with hammer multiple times)
Lisa: Uh Dad, that's his crotch.
Homer: Oh, Sorry.
(Homer puts stake where the heart and hits it)
Mr. Burns: AAAAAAGH!
(Mr. Burns disentergrates)
Homer: Whoo-hoo!
(Mr. Burns Comes Back Alive)
Mr. Burns: You're Fired!
(Mr. Burns Dies Again)
Homer: D'oh!

Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks.
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours Springfield. One, two, three, four!
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Burnsy.
The Ramones: Happy birthday to you!
C.J. Ramone: Go to Hell you old bastard.
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't--
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

Homer: Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find a little... cheeky.
(drops his pants to reveal a sad face painted on his butt; the audience gasps)
Homer: (shaking his butt) I'm Mr. Burns. Blah blah blah. Do this, do that. Blah blah blah. I think I'm so big. Blah blah blah...
Mr. Burns: (quietly furious) Destroy him.
(Two guards advance on Homer and club him over the head.)

(Young Mr. Burns is taken away forever.)
Mr. Burns' Father: Oh well...at least we still have his little brother George.
George Burns: Buh buh buh buh, oh the sun shines so bright on my old Kentucky home buh buh buh bum--Trust me, it'll be funny when I'm an old man.

Smithers: Sir, I've arranged for the people of Australia to join hands tonight and spell out your name with candles. There's a satellite hookup on that monitor if you turn your head slightly.
Mr. Burns: Bah, no time.

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