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The-simpsons

Man: Umm, excuse me. What are you doing?
Mr. Burns: I'm giving you the beating of your life!

Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage.

Mr. Burns: Hello, Simpson. My lawyers and I were in the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by.
Marge: Would you like to come in for tea and marshmallow squares?
(The lawyers confer with each other)
Lawyer: Yes, he would.

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...

And that's where we came in. Now, without further ado, here's what happened next. But first, I'll daydream about a sport utility vehicle, a crispy chicken sandwich, and a wonderful blue pill!

Guard: It's time for a cavity search.
Mr. Burns: Oh, I haven't cavity in forty years.
Guard: I wasn't talking about your teeth.
Mr. Burns: Nor was I.

Is it a crime to want nice things and then to steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.

Carl: Sir, your spare ribs, cooked just the way you like them.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs eh? I've played around with ten pins a time or two in my life and, to me, the term spare reeks of second best. Give me ten full frames of strike ribs. [to Lenny]: And you, find my doctor and find out why I'd ask for something as insane as strike ribs.

Mr. Burns: The power plant's new annual Fourth of July picnic is this upcoming Saturday.
Homer: Woohoo!
Mr. Burns: I'm afraid you misunderstand. This picnic is for me, you will all be spending your Independence Day slaving away in the hot summer sun with no pay, lotion, or gratitude.

I'll tell you my tale.. by thinking it to myself.

Mr. Burns [narrating]

Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't panic. Just come up with a good story.
Homer: My name is Mr. Burns!
Homer's Brain: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: And this is my basement. (Reveals a traditional unfinished basement, complete with ping-pong table)
Homer: Gee, it's not as nice as the other rooms.
Mr. Burns: Yes, I really should stop ending the tour with it.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 173 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito.

Homer

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain
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