Mr. Garrison: I'm telling you, Officer Barbrady, this is all a terrible mistake.
Barbrady: Well, the FBI says I have to keep you here, so that's what I'm gonna do, Mr. Complainypants.

• Permalink: I'm telling you, Officer Barbrady, this is all a terrible mistak...
• Added: March 04, 2010

Wow, they've got activists for everything these days.

• Permalink: Wow, they've got activists for everything these days.
• Added: March 04, 2010

JESUS CHRIST! HE'S GONNA RAM IT!

Police Officer

• Permalink: JESUS CHRIST! HE'S GONNA RAM IT!
• Added: March 04, 2010

Crazy son of a bitch!

Police Officer

• Permalink: Crazy son of a bitch!
• Added: March 04, 2010

Randy: Here's Korn's van!
Lady in mob: Let's flip it over!
Officer Barbrady: Okay people, let's try to stay orderly. The best way to do this is to all get on one side and push from the top.

• Permalink: Here's Korn's van! Let's flip it over! Okay people, let's tr...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Officer Barbrady: So what does the ATF do when religious fanatics are gonna commit mass suicide?
ATF Agent: Oh, don't worry, we won't let that happen. Even if it means we have to kill each and every one of them.

• Permalink: So what does the ATF do when religious fanatics are gonna commit...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Stand back, people, give the little burnt boy some breathing room!

• Permalink: Stand back, people, give the little burnt boy some breathing roo...
• Added: February 20, 2010

(upon seeing Cartman on the cross) T is for turtle.

• Permalink: T is for turtle.
• Added: February 20, 2010

Chef: (after lights come back on) Is everybody okay?? That sounded like a gunshot!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, my god! Look!
(Everybody sees Mephesto's body, which has been shot at.)
Kenny: (mumbling) Oh my god, they killed Mephesto!
Kyle: You bastard!

• Permalink: Is everybody okay?? That sounded like a gunshot! Oh, my god! L...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Mayor: Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcer in this town. What would he do?
Officer Barbrady: Hmmm. That's a good question, Mayor. Let me get right on that, with thinking.

• Permalink: Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a com...
• Added: February 16, 2010

I just thought of something! Oh no wait, that's subtraction.

• Permalink: I just thought of something! Oh no wait, that's subtraction.
• Added: February 16, 2010

Jimbo: Alright, so far everyone has a long piece of straw. We'll keep drawing
(Jimbo picks a piece of straw.)
Jimbo: (relieved) Whew!
(Mr. Garrison picks a piece of straw.)
Mr. Garrison: (relieved) Whew!
(Officer Barbrady looks at the last piece of straw in his hands.)
Officer Barbrady: Whew.
Jimbo: Wait a minute! Where the hell is the short one??
Officer Barbrady: The short what?
Jimbo: Damn it, Barbrady! When you draw straws, you're supposed to have one of them short! That's how you decide who loses!
Officer Barbrady: That's not how I played it
Mr. Garrison: Oooh, can we hurry this up? My stomach is growling

• Permalink: Alright, so far everyone has a long piece of straw. We'll keep d...
• Added: February 16, 2010