Scrubs

Perry Cox Quotes (Page 6)

Jordan: Admittedly, getting rid of Maddox is a board issue. But, as you all know, I recently retired to become a full-time mom.
J.D.'s narration: Crap! We forgot Jordan's retirement party last week. I hope we weren't the only ones.
Dr. Cox: I really should have gone to your party.
Jordan: You think?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings
 • Rating: Unrated

[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: (to Carla) I know jerks. Hell, I married a jerk. I divorced a jerk.
J.D.: New freckle.
Dr. Cox: I'm interrupted by jerks. Look, just give me two minutes with this Maddox, and I'll know for sure whether or not she's a jerk.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Mr. Hicks' cardiac test results. They're negative. What do you know about that? Just like the 100 other tests we ordered for a man whose only complaint was shortness of breath?
Dr. Maddox: I assume there's a nugget of a point buried in there.
Dr. Cox: Why are you running that guy through the wringer?
Dr. Maddox: Because he's got awesome insurance. He's a 100 percent pure profit machine. Ka, and might I add, ching.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: So, this intern you mentioned earlier, I'm sure eventually he turned into a pretty amazing doctor, didn't he?
Dr. Cox: Actually, it was a she.
J.D.: It wasn't me?
Dr. Cox: Oh, no, it was you. It was you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, nay two vasectomies, I feel... I feel I just have to ask. Did you cheat on me?
Jordan: No. And you know me; I always tell.
Dr. Cox: Ah that's true.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: I made poopy in the potty.
Dr. Cox: You know, son, as a doctor I spend a lot of my day dealing with other people's poop, and I'm not going to lie to you, Jackie, it gets old. That's not to say that I haven't enjoyed the last three years of waking up to a fresh brown trout in your Huggies besides you'll be doing the same thing for me some day real soon. Yet, aside from actually seeing you being born and the time Wayne Gretzky said 'what's up' to me in the line at the bank, you being out of diapers is the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. It truly is. Now why don't you go into your room and play for a little while because your mom and I are going to celebrate up here, grown-up style.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Say, Bobbo, you wanna weigh-in on pregnancy sex?
Dr. Kelso: It's a freak show.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: When was the last time you ever met a cutter who didn't want to cut? Laverne! You have been here 40 years now, have you ever heard such a thing?
Laverne: I'm going to kill somebody!
 • Rating: Unrated

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