Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Peter Griffin Quotes
Kevin Ferderline: Magic Mirror, how can I look like a douche-bag today?
Magic Mirror Peter: Well Kevin, uhm, I would say first of all don't shave or shower.
Kevin Ferderline: Ok, I won't.
Magic Mirror Peter: And uh, you just got out of bed right?
Kevin Ferderline: Yeah.
Magic Mirror Peter: I would say just go ahead and wear that tank-top all day.
Kevin Ferderline: Uhm, ok.
Magic Mirror Peter: Alright, so we covered the hygene, no collared shirts, uhm...ohh, and don't forget to walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.
Peter: (inadvertently punches the giant chicken)
Some guy: Oh whoa big guy,(holding the giant chicken), you probably never even gonna see him again.
Lois: I hate what you become! Why don't you go back to that doctor and tell him to suck the fat out of your head?
Peter: Maybe I will, and then I'll put it on my feet and skate on Paul Bunyan's skillet to cook his flapjacks.
Lois: That doesn't make any sense!
Peter: It doesn't have to, Lois, I'm beautiful
Lois: I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey that's fantastic Lois, and I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me Too!
Peter: Oh God Meg, that's SICK! That's your mother!
Meg: I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out, get out of this house!
Lois: Did you paste your picture over our wedding portrait?
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over mine.
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better
C-3PO/Quagmire: Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are 2-1!
Han/Peter: Never tell me the o-oh... well that's not bad. Never mind, let's keep going.
Lois: This could be a great chance for you two to bond.
Peter: Bond? James Bond. I'll do it
Joe: So, what can I do for you Peter?
Peter: Well Joe, I need to talk to you about something kind of personal.
Joe: Shoot.
Peter: Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
Joe: Deal with what?
Peter: You know, with being retarded.
Joe: Peter, I'm not retarded, I'm handicapped.
Peter: Oh, well now you're just splitting hairs
Lois, I have never been more comfortable as a person than I am in these feety pajamas, all warm and furry. This is what it feels like to be a bear. You remember when I used to say Lois, when we first got married, you remember, I used to say, what would it feel like to be a bear? Well, this is it. This is it. I'm living it baby.
Quagmire: Hey Peter, uhh you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to somebody.
Peter: Uhh lets see here...uhh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D."
Quagmire: Huh, that's all you have is accidental huh? All right I'll take it.
(Peter is buried under Joe and his friends)
Peter: Ben Stiller, help me!
Ben Stiller: No, Peter. I heard what you said about my movies.
Peter: How?
Ben Stiller: (points at his ears) Hello?!
Peter: Ah, go to hell, you mutant offspring of comedy people!
Lois: Peter, you've been sleeping with that money for the past week. Don't you think it's time we did something with it?
Peter: Buy a bolt and shut that trap of yours?
Lois: What?
Peter: What?
Lois: Because I had an idea. Remember when we first got married?
Peter: And I said what would it feel like to be a bear.
Lois: No, no, no. I'm talking about that dream we had, Peter, remember? We tried to open that restaurant and we never quite got it going.
Peter: Yeah, we got shut down because of my exploding cupcakes. (Cuts to scene where a couple is sitting.)
Gerald: Hmm, I hope these taste as good as they look. (Takes a bite and head explodes.)
Woman: (gasp) Gerald!
Peter: (Walks by.) He he he, the secret is in the frosting... but I'll never tell.
