Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Peter Griffin Quotes
Immigration Officer: Complete this sentence: The land of the free and the home of the blank.
Peter: Home of the Whopper?
Jesus: I am a Jew
Peter: Prove it. What's a 9% tip on a $200 dinner?
Jesus: It's $18, which is very fair
Peter: Hmm...I'm still not sure.
Car Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter: Sold!
Peter [on Family Feud answering something you'd like to receive as a gift]: Well my whole family agreed on money, so I'm going to go with the flute that Captain Picard played, first in his imagination and then in real life, in the episode "The Inner Light" from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Peter: Barkeep, petro nemo slappywag. That's Petorian for "More beer, you slappywag."
Horace: You still owe me for the other rounds, which comes to fifty bucks.
Peter: I'm a foreign diplomat. I don't pay for drinks. Do you think G. Gordon Liddy paid for his drinks while he was strangling people with piano wire for the good of our nation?
Quagmire [reading note]: Glen, this is your child, next time wear a condom jerk. Oh my god!
Peter: Wait, hang on, there's no guarantee it's your baby.
Baby: Gigitty.
Quagmire: Ooh, I say that.
Peter: I beleive I am psyhic. My first prediction is that i'm either going to fly or ruin that family's picnic!
[runs and tries to fly, crashing on family's picnic]
Woman: Hey you ruined our picnic!
Peter: Psychic!
Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.
Lois: Oh, Peter, I'm so proud of you. Once again you've brought our family to the edge of the abyss and at the very last minute you saved us all. I love you, honey.
Peter: And I've grown fond of you, Lois. Let's go home.
You know what? I was so drunk, my ghost is drunk.
Girl: Hi! Would you be offended if I told you that your prose suggests a male, working class version of Emily Berate?
Peter: No. Would you be offended if I said I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?
Girl: Yes
Peter: Well then we....are on two....different....wavelengths.
Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint: it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
