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Family-guy

Banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.

You're not going to get away with this, Mr. Google Search!

Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star.
Peter: We did it with Justin Long didn't we? America said no but we kept at it!

You know what? I was so drunk, my ghost is drunk.

Alcoholics... transform!

What does it matter what those people in church think? Most of
them are just random background people we never seen before anyways.
Half of them don't even move. The other half just blink.

Brian: Ah, it's a period joke!
Peter: Ah, it's a period period joke!

Peter: I'm making my own Red Bull! Lois can't stop me from experiencing the manic highs and lows my body demands.
Brian: Whoa, whoa you're adding kerosene? That's insane! That'll destroy your body, Peter!
Peter: Kerosene is fuel, Brian. Red Bull is fuel. Kerosene is Red Bull...
Brian: That drink will kill you, Peter.
Peter: Whatever kills me will make me stronger.

I want a pet animal that's half chinchilla and half mink because I could call it "Chink" and that would be ok.

Brian: Lauren just finished a fascinating doctoral thesis on sub-orbital propulsion mechanisms that NASA is using for the next generation of space shuttles.
Chris and Meg: Oooohhhhhh... Aaaaahhhh!
Peter: So, Lauren, um, whenever I'm watchin' your show... you give me wood. Where do we go from here?

Peter: You know somethin' Brian? I bet you'll make the late night monologues.
[cut to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon]
Fallon: I mean, it's a little weird, isn't it? This new Lauren Conrad relationship? When asked about their sex life, Brian was quoted as saying: "Oh, yeah. We just do it me style."

Peter: Oh no! Connie's been hurt! I guess someone should lie on top of her to keep her warm.
[Peter smiles as he lies down on Connie, then he turns to the camera]
Peter: What are you looking at? It's a cartoon!

Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 834 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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