Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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I guess we learned that no matter who you are or where you come from, life is a terrible thing.

Lois: Oh my god! I think Chris is having a heart attack!
Peter: We're not supposed to leave the table!

Damn right I do! It's because I make all the money! I'm the big..."Mamu" around here!

It's like putting your penis to sleep in a feather bed.

Heh, heh, I stole Meg's cutaway.

Banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.

You're not going to get away with this, Mr. Google Search!

Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star.
Peter: We did it with Justin Long didn't we? America said no but we kept at it!

You know what? I was so drunk, my ghost is drunk.

Alcoholics... transform!

What does it matter what those people in church think? Most of
them are just random background people we never seen before anyways.
Half of them don't even move. The other half just blink.

Brian: Ah, it's a period joke!
Peter: Ah, it's a period period joke!

Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 839 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter