Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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"I was 18 and my body was firm from push-ups and sit-ups..."

Peter: "I'M Back Bush?"
Quagmire: "This can't be a surprise to you, Peter."
Peter: "Yea, I knew, I just didn't know you knew!"

"I'm not afraid to stand up to friends. Just ask Spartacus!"

"You don't now how smooth Quagmire is...he's like a vagician!"

Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves."
Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!"

"Yes, the penis one."

Peter: "Well at least we have a jury of our peers."
Joe: "I don't think THEY see it that way, Peter."

"Keith Urban...Brett Favre....William H. Macy?"

"Wow! I had never believed in the Holocaust until now."

"Hey Joe, what's your favorite preparation of a tomato? Is it "son died" tomato?"

"Oh this looks fantastic. I can't wait to poop this out."

Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 844 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley