Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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"Yes, the penis one."

Peter: "Well at least we have a jury of our peers."
Joe: "I don't think THEY see it that way, Peter."

"Keith Urban...Brett Favre....William H. Macy?"

"Wow! I had never believed in the Holocaust until now."

"Hey Joe, what's your favorite preparation of a tomato? Is it "son died" tomato?"

"Oh this looks fantastic. I can't wait to poop this out."

Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.

Joe: Oh my god, he must have hung himself during auto-erotic asphyxiation!
Peter: While watching clown porn!

Lois:Oh my god, not that guy. Isn't he the one that beats her?
Peter: Yea, but she's gotten a LOT better.

What do you mean I'm broke? What about all that money I sent to the Gayman Islands? They did what with it? No I don't want it back!

Lois: Is it a blood diamond?
Peter: Only the bloodiest.

Well, sorry doesn't show me nipples worth seeing!

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 839 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter