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Family-guy

"Oh this looks fantastic. I can't wait to poop this out."

Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.

Joe: Oh my god, he must have hung himself during auto-erotic asphyxiation!
Peter: While watching clown porn!

Lois:Oh my god, not that guy. Isn't he the one that beats her?
Peter: Yea, but she's gotten a LOT better.

What do you mean I'm broke? What about all that money I sent to the Gayman Islands? They did what with it? No I don't want it back!

Lois: Is it a blood diamond?
Peter: Only the bloodiest.

Well, sorry doesn't show me nipples worth seeing!

No! Anna Paquin boob does not count as real boob! That's like looking at a 12-year-old boy.

I just bought a giant room full of gold coins that I'm going to dive into like Scrooge McDuck.

You want to have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can leer at it?

We won! I'm getting a penis butler!

Peter: Hey, check it out! It's another chick! The only other chick in the galaxy!
Lois: I don't like her.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 834 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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