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Family-guy

[to his feral self] Don't listen to that Peter! That Peter is a liar! Run, be free! They will enslave you! [makes random grunting noises]

Peter: You know, we saved so much trouble not flying commercial I think we came out ahead.
Joe: Sure. Drive right up to the plane.
Peter: Exactly. If we went to Logan, that plane wouldn't crash for another hour at least. [plane crashes behind him] Oh, they made pretty good time!

Peter: A private plane? How'd you swing that, Quagmire?
Quagmire: Let's just say I walked in John Travolta with not-Kelly-Preston.

I always wanted to go to Canada, but then South Park went so we couldn't go.

I've just been hanging out here, having a great time with...Meg?!

Peter: Hey Horace, how about you take that weiner out of your hand and give me a beer?
Horace: Don't talk to me that way, you son of a bitch!

I'm feeling ship-shape, if the ship is the SS Minnow! Doctor said I'd be making bland jokes for a week.

Peter: Excuse me, which one was Lindsay Lohan's dessert fork?
Waiter: I think it was that one.
Peter: [licks fork] Give me cocaine!

What the hell, Lois? Yesterday you were all over me, and then for a confusing period, inside of me!

Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice?
Peter: Oh, you know what happened, you sexy minx. My white blood cells attacked the pathogens and created antibodies and then the pathogens were filtered out by my kidneys into my urine and then expelled from my body, you slut.

Fletcher met the long arm of the law at the wrong end of a shotgun at the deep end of a grave at the far end of a dead end road.

Lois: Oh Peter, this voice of yours is really something. I can't get enough of it!
Peter: Yeah, it's been pretty great. Y'know, I even won a deep voice contest with Joe yesterday.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 834 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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