Sweet statuatory, you look beautiful

Peter: ...and that's my plan, Principal. So, what do you think?
Principal: But... you didn't tell me anything? You just sat down & said "And that's my plan"

Peter: You don't remember what it's like to be my age!
Lois: I'm two years younger then you!

Peter: Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?

You know, some people think that dandelions are weeds, but, you know, I always think, who the hell decided tulips were so great?

Antonio: The painting. I must have it for my studio in Soho. I'll give you five thousand dollars. What do you say?
Peter: I say, "I love you, ya freakin' son of mine. I got five thousand bucks for that painting you gave me."
Chris: But dad, I painted that just for you.
Peter: Don't feel bad, Chris, I didn't even want it

Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.
Lois: Peter!

I know, you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time now and I'm the man

Lois, you've left me no choice but to beat you the only way I know how. By killing you!...in the race for schoolboard president

Well, a lot of nasty things have been said during this campaign. But pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand

Peter: Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?
Lois: Peter we discussed this, I'm running for school board. You never listen to me.
Peter: Oh yeah, I remember. Hey Cleveland, hey Quagmire. ... Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?

Peter [at the debate]: Well, I-I have always cared deeply about young people. As a rich college bound student I once joined some underprivileged youths in saving a community center from being converted into a shopping mall. (crowd cheers)
Lois: Peter, that wasn't you. That was Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo! You watched that last night... (crowd boos)

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire