Are you a TV Fanatic?
Sign up for our daily newsletter to receive personalized television news for free!
Jeez Lois, I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends drinking beers, telling jokes, and screwin' around. How 'bout a little me time?
- Permalink: Jeez Lois, I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends dr...
Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons.
Peter: Now listen pal!
Lois: Peter, I'm holding melons.
Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
Peter: Now hold on a second.
Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem.... Your wife's hot
Peter: Alright that's it
- Permalink: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons. Now list...
Peter: I know you cant understand what I'm going through, Lois. I mean all the stuff that makes you happy, you know, like cooking and cleaning - it's alright here in the house just waiting for you. You are one lucky...
Brian: Uh, uh stop. Now
- Permalink: I know you cant understand what I'm going through, Lois. I mean ...
[Stewie stumbles up to Lois...]
Stewie: Hello mother, care to partake in your oh so exhilarating games of Peek-A-Boo?
Lois: Oh my god, my baby's drunk!
Peter: No I'm not, what, oh him? Oh yeah, he's a real light weight
- Permalink: Hello mother, care to partake in your oh so exhilarating games o...
Brian: Something troubling you Peter?
Peter: Oh no, nothing. Just all of my friends are eye-humping my wife.
Brian: Well if I were you, I'd keep an eye on her. Then again I'm the jealous type
- Permalink: Something troubling you Peter? Oh no, nothing. Just all of my ...
I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record
- Permalink: I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal ...
Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis.
Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!
- Permalink: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis. Hey give me back my sock yo...
Peter: Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot.
Patriot: Verily. Come hither and give heed.
Peter: Woah woah woah. I don't swing that way pal. Look I've got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers.
Patriot: Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement and stuff it with plenty of Pawtucket Patriots, your friends will come down here for a beer as well.
Peter: Build a bar! That's a great idea. Wait one last question! If I walk through you does that mean like..we've done it?
Patriot: Gee what's with you and the gay jokes?
- Permalink: Peter. Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot. Verily. Come hither...
Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change
- Permalink: An elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change
Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.
Peter: Hey stinky. Have we got big plans for you.
Stewie: Plans? What the devil are you talking about?
- Permalink: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own f...
Peter: Meg, you're home late.
Meg: I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading.
Peter: Well, don't keep me in suspense. How'd you do?
Meg: I'll give you a hint. I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! Sucked!
Peter: Yay! Oh, I mean, sorry, honey
- Permalink: Meg, you're home late. I stayed after school to try out for ch...
Meg: Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever.
Peter: Oh no you're not honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds?
- Permalink: Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever. Oh no you'r...