Peter: Hey Brian. How ya doin'? They let you out already?
Brian: Peter, I was in a therapy session, not a lunatic asylum

Brian: My therapist thinks he's figured out what my problem is.
Peter: Oh yeah, what does Sigmund Fraud think it is?
Brian: He, ah, thinks I'm in love.
Peter: Oh my God. You can talk!
Brian: Never mind

Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?

Nooooooo! Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn long ears, trying to steal Easter from Jesus

Brian: Oh my god! They're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa!
Peter: That's crazy...they'll just be hungry again in an hour

Peter: Let's go.
Lois: Go where? If there's no food in Quahog, what make you think there's going to be food anywhere else?
Peter: Lois, everyone knows that there are two things that can survive a nuclear holocaust: cockroaches and Twinkies, and there's a Twinkie factory in Natick.
Lois: Twinkies?
Peter: Yeah. I saw a story about them on A&E

My dad worked at that factory for sixty years. That's almost eighty years

Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital

Lois: He just got up and left? Where would he go?
Peter: I don't know. I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.
Brian: I don't care if he ever comes back... I wasn't being cute, I really hope he's dead

Francis: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to purgatory with all the un-baptized babies.
Peter: There you go, Lois, you love kids

Pope: Are you sure this is Boston?
Peter: Oh, yeah. [Points to a barn] Look, there's Harvard.
Pope: That's just a barn.
Peter: Ooh, I see someone went to Yale

Your Aunt Margarite is probably laughing at me right now while she's burning in hell, may she rest in peace

Family Guy Quotes

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)