Peter Griffin Quotes
Peter: Hey, what the hell are you doing in my house?
New Owner: Your house? This is my house, my wife and I bought it from the bank.
Peter: But I've still got another day to pay back the loan.
New Owner: The bank said it wouldn't matter because you're a fat dead-beat loser.
Peter: Fat dead-beat loser? Well sir, while I may not agree with what you say I'll defend to the death your right to say it
- Permalink: Hey, what the hell are you doing in my house? Your house? This...
Joe: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts first.
Cleveland: I heard he doesn't just eat you, he eats your soul.
Peter: I heard one of Shannon Doherty's eyes is off center because it's trying to escape
- Permalink: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts fir...
Black Knight: You see kids your father is nothing but a fizzle!
Peter: Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it! Except that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran off. He got away with it. But most people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it. Well, actually, that guy who got away with it was the only one who ever called me a fizzle. After today ... only half the people who ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it
- Permalink: You see kids your father is nothing but a fizzle! Nobody calls...
Peter: Hey, kids! Hey, you know what I do? I work at a toy factory and you know what I do there?
Boy: I bet you're just one of those low-level assembly-line guys who stands there all day screwing heads on dolls. "Ooh, is it on straight? I don't know." Boooo!
Peter: Why, you little snot-nosed...
Teacher: Mr. Griffin! He plays kickball in the park after school. Get him there
- Permalink: Hey, kids! Hey, you know what I do? I work at a toy factory and ...
You know, since money's getting tight, I was gonna suggest that we eat the kids. You know, jokingly at first, but then I was gonna gauge your reaction and if you were cool with it, we would go from there, but this is a much better idea
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Peter: Are you training to be a jouster too?
Mort: Yes. I'm trying to overcome my terrible fear of swords. A man in a pirate costume stabbed me in the ear when I was nine, and again when I was thirty!
- Permalink: Are you training to be a jouster too? Yes. I'm trying to overc...
Peter [while videotaping a bag blowing a wind]: Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there's this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there's no reason to be afraid. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst.
God: It's just some trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?
- Permalink: Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there's this incredibly be...
Peter: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you.
Stewie: Oh let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn and turn, until, whoop, big shock, a jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside
- Permalink: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you. Oh l...
Look at all the garbage the damn Leafers are dumping on our lawn. The New York Post, New York Magazine, the New York Mets
- Permalink: Look at all the garbage the damn Leafers are dumping on our lawn...