Peter [about a handbag]: Oh I love you sweety. What are they like 10 bucks?
Meg: More like eleven...hundred.
Peter: Heh, you wished I loved you that much

Joe: Peter wanted the trophy the most.
Peter: I couldn't have stolen the trophy. Last night I was stealing Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight.
Lois: Peter!
Peter: What? It's a ladder, he's not gonna use it. That's like taking a watch off a dead guy

Peter: You told them that we cheat on our taxes, steal lawn mowers, and worship some guy named Stan.
Bonnie: Actually I said Satan. That must have been a typo

And Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail. Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shot that I just want to crack you with a cue stick. But I don't because that would be a hate crime and I love you

Brian: It's amazing, Peter. You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together.
Peter: You know what's really amazing? I haven't brushed my teeth in three days, and no-one has said a thing

Lois: This could be a great chance for you two to bond.
Peter: Bond? James Bond. I'll do it

Lois: It's Stewie. He peed on the carpet.
Peter: Do I... Do I hit him?
Lois: No!

Peter: Hey Brian. How ya doin'? They let you out already?
Brian: Peter, I was in a therapy session, not a lunatic asylum

Brian: My therapist thinks he's figured out what my problem is.
Peter: Oh yeah, what does Sigmund Fraud think it is?
Brian: He, ah, thinks I'm in love.
Peter: Oh my God. You can talk!
Brian: Never mind

Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?

Nooooooo! Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn long ears, trying to steal Easter from Jesus

Brian: Oh my god! They're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa!
Peter: That's crazy...they'll just be hungry again in an hour

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley