South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Randy Marsh Quotes
Randy: Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?
Cartman: (slower) Sir, step out of the car, please.
Randy: (steps out) Yeah. You're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.
(The Marshes are discussing Stan's essay assignment)
Stan: Not Mr. Garrison, Mom, he's a sick weirdo.
Randy: Yeah it's true, he is.
Randy: Well, ya see, we had Stan and his friends play with a kid who already had chickenpox so they could catch it.
Dr. Doctor: Oh wowyou didoh wowyou guys suck.
Randy: Mayor! I have it. I found out why people spontaneously combust.
Mayor: [over the phone] Why?
Randy: It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
[Cut to clipboard that says:]
Boyfriend == > Death
Girlfriend == > Death
Stan: Dad, where's our Bible?
Randy: Not now Stan, I have to figure out what makes people spontaneously combust. Or else.
Stan: Or else what?
Randy: Exactly.
Stan: What?
Randy: Right.
Jakov: THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THE GAME YOU GUYS!
Randy: No problem, Jakov.
Men: (cheers)
Jakov: GO NINERS! NINERS!
Gerald: We're cheering for the Broncos, Jakov!
Jakov: Oops!
(Men watching game)
Jakov: DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT? I WATCHED THIS RABBIT, IT'S A BROWN RABBIT, AND GUESS WHAT, IT TOOK DOOKEY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Randy: Hey, Jakov, do you mind if you could buy some pretzels for us.
Jakov: OK! Do you have money?
Gerald: Here and don't go to the store down the block, go to the Fairplay place four miles from here, they have better pretzels.
Jakov: OKAY! (trips) OOPS!
Mr. Mackey: Jakovasaurs kinda piss me off, mkay?
Men: Yep.
Man #1: Well, you know what I heard, I heard that he's gay.
Man #2: Oh, is he really?
Randy: Who?
Man: What?
Randy: Who did you hear is-is gay?
Man: Ricky Martin, the singer.
Randy: Oh.
Gerald: Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I'm not going to let it-
Randy: We did not share and intimate moment, okay? That makes it sound gay!
Stan: (whining) I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are going to have a great time. Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement, eating stale pretzels.
Stan: Dad, they tried to shoot at us!
Randy: Not now, Stan.
Mr. Garrison: Nothing ever went wrong in this town before that evil Korn band showed up.
Sharon Marsh: Well I say we go find them and kick their devil-worshipping butts out of town!
Randy: Here's Korn's van!
Lady in mob: Let's flip it over!
Officer Barbrady: Okay people, let's try to stay orderly. The best way to do this is to all get on one side and push from the top.
