...We're both like two lonely socks that want desperately to keep someone's feet warm, but we don't match up with any other socks. So all we can hope for is to be a dust mitten or a hand puppet

Charlie: I thought we agreed we were just friends.
Rose: We are. We're friends who slept together once, and then one friend never called the other friend, but luckily the other friend forgave him.
Charlie: Where are you going?
Rose: To make my friend a grilled cheese sandwhich.
Charlie: Rose, Rose, I don't want a grilled cheese sandwhich.
Rose: Would you prefer a quesadilla?
Charlie: That sounds nice

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Walden: I am tired of dating crazy, cheating, greedy, gold-digging bitches.
Alan: Sigh, without them, I would not have gotten laid.
Walden: And there will be no reality TV stars.