Real Kyle: So you intended us for us to go ziplining all along? Why, Stan?
Real Stan: If you signed up 3 friends...you got an iPod nano.
Real Kyle: You sold us out for an iPod nano?!

Stan: And I finally, I couldn't hold it in any more. I said "Stop it!"
Real Stan: Stop it!

It was 10, maybe 15 minutes of pure hell.

Stan: Dude, did a bully take your lunch money again week?
Butters: Yeah.
Stan: That's the third day in a row, you gotta tell a teacher.
Butters: Nah, I'm not a tattle-tale.
Stan: Then write the principal an anonymous letter.
Butters: Nah, I'm not an Anonymous Andy.
Clyde: So just get a bigger bully to beat the bully up.
Butters: Nah, I don't want kids calling me kids calling me a cliche conflict resolution Kevin.

Token, stop giving Tyler Perry money or he won't go away.

Stan: Dude you're freaking out Mint Berry Crunch, he's just peed his pants.
Mint Berry Crunch: No, no, Mint Berry Crunch doesn't ever pee his pants!

Stan: What's a muff cabbage?
Kyle: It's a Jersey thing.

All people from Jersey do is hump and punch each other.

Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, in lieu of the common usage, I'm supposed to clarify the school's position on the word, "shit."
Stan: Wow! We can say "shit" in school now?
Kyle: This is ridiculous! Just because they say it on TV it's alright.

Chef: I'm very proud of you, children. Let's all go home and find a nice white woman to make love to.
Stan: Yeah, and Kenny didn't die!
Kenny: (muffled) Yeah, and I didn't die- (pukes out his intestines and dies)
Stan: Holy sh- I mean, poop.
Kyle: Yeah. Poop.
Cartman: I love you guys...

Kyle: Dude! They're gonna say "shit" on television??
Stan: You can't say "shit" on television!
Cartman: It was just on the news! People are freaking out, dude.
Stan: Holy ****ing shit!

Cartman: You guys! You guys! Oh my god! Oh my god, you guys!
Kyle: What, doughboy?
Cartman: I was... (catches breath) I was just watching the TV and they had this commercial.
Stan: So?
Cartman: So... Guess what they're gonna say tonight on that show "Cop Drama"?
Kyle: What?
Cartman: No, c'mon, guess! They're gonna say something that's never been said on television!
Stan: What?
Cartman: Guess.
Kyle: Goddamit, Cartman! What are they gonna say on "Cop Drama"?
Cartman: Okay, you ready? Tonight...on "Cop Drama"...on TV,...they're gonna say... (looks to the left and right) "shit".

South Park Quotes

Stan: Hey Cartman, how come the birthday invitation you gave me says "Green Megaman."
Kyle: Yeah, mine says "Red Megaman."
Cartman: Right, that's what your supposed to get me for my birthday.
Stan: DUDE!?!?! You're not supposed to tell people what to give you for your birthday!
Kyle: Yeah, that's weak.
Cartman: Look it's very simple guys. "Green Megaman" goes with "Red Megaman" and "Yellow Megaman" to make the "Ultra Mega Megaman." You have to have all 3 or it doesn't work, see?
Stan: Up yours Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.
Cartman: Ohh!!! so maybe you don't want to have any of my moms Cake, Pie, and Ice cream then.
Stan: Oh "Gre..Green Megaman" it is.
Cartman: Now as you can see Kenny, you are to get me "Yellow Megaman," that's because the "Yellow Megaman" is the cheapest one and I know how poor your family is.
(Damien walks to table)
Stan: Hey!?!?! what do you think you're doing new kid?
Cartman: Yeah, you can't sit with us weirdo.
Damien: Infidel's!!!! I will turn you all into "Beasts of Burden"!
Kyle: You can't sit with us new kid, go find another table!
(Damien goes and sits with Pip)
Cartman: (sighs) Anyway Kenny, "Yellow Megaman" is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments in a year, or two.
(Stan, Kyle, and Cartman laugh. Kenny punches Cartman)
Cartman: AYYY!!!!

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman