Dude, a self hating Jew? You are becoming a stereotype.

Kyle: How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Stan: At least a couple hours.
Kyle: Do you think he'll be okay?
Cartman (walking off): He's fine!

(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!

Hey look what the postman brought me! It's a big brown package from Afghanistan!

Kyle: (after Stan puts up the miniature flag) Dude, I thought those Afghani kids talked to us about not liking America...
Stan: No, dude. America might have some problems, but it's our home. Our country. Our team. And if you don't want to root for your team, then just get the hell out of the stadium.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Go America. Go Broncos.
Kyle: Yeah, go Broncos.
Cartman: Yeah.

Kyle: Remember when life used to be simple and cool?
Cartman: Not really.
Butters: (walks to the bus stop) Uh, hey. How's it going fellas?
Stan: Butters! What the hell do you think you're doing??
Butters: Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why? How come you're wearing them oogy spaceman masks?
Kyle: These are gas masks, Butters!
Stan: Yeah, if you don't wear a gas mask, you'll be easily exposed to smallpox or anthrax!
Butters: What?! Oh, Jesus! I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas! W-what do I do??
Stan: There's nothing you can doexcept stop breathing.
Butters: Stop breathing??
Kyle: Yeah, you can't get it if you don't breath.
Butters: Oh, all right, then! (inhales deeply and holds breath)

Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!

Evil Towel: What are you doing?
Towelie: Get away from me, evil towel!
Evil Towel: Towelie, listen to me Let them go. Drop them.
Towelie: No way! They're my friends!
Evil Towel: They aren't your friends! Humans have ruined the environment and killed off their own kind! Their time is over! It's the towels' turn now.
Kyle: (continues reaching for the Gamesphere) I-I've almost got it!
Evil Towel: You're going to let them go, Towelie. Because (holds up a joint) I know your weakness.
(Towelie eyes the joint in the Evil Towel's hand)
Evil Towel: Here, you can reach it Come on, Towelie. How long's it been since you had an nice burn, huh? Twenty? Thirty seconds?
Stan: Oh, crap!
Evil Towel: You're going to have to choose between saving their lives AND getting high.
Towelie: You asshole
Cartman: Towelie! Don't let go, you goddamn towel! Kyle's almost there!
Evil Towel: Go ahead, Towelie. Make your decision.
Towelie: I choose I choose Both!
(Towelie reaches over to puff on the joint, as Kyle grabs the Gamesphere in the nick of time.)

Stan: There it is. The Okama Game Sphere.
Kyle: Dude, it's got 128 gigahertz d-ram.
Stan: What's that?
Kyle: Don't know, but it kicks ass.

Military Leader: Hello, boys. How are you doing?
Stan: Fine.
Military Leader: Say, boys, this may sound a little odd, but Have you seen a talking towel around anywhere?
Kyle: What? You mean Towelie?
Military Leader: (speaks into the two-way radio) Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a Code 5 in (checks map) Park County, Colorado. I repeat, Code 5, Park County, Colorado.
Cartman: What, dude?
(The Military Leader and soldier drive away.)
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be one long ass day

Towelie: I can't remember. It all looks the same. Hang on, let me get high. Then I'll remember where it is. (Towelie gets high.)
Stan: Alright, so where is it?
Towelie: Where's what?

Stan: Come on, Towelie. The guy said you have the entry code in your memory bank!
Towelie: Hey, it's been a long time...
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory, because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, because you're stupid!
Towelie: YOU'RE stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!

South Park Quotes

Stan: Hey Cartman, how come the birthday invitation you gave me says "Green Megaman."
Kyle: Yeah, mine says "Red Megaman."
Cartman: Right, that's what your supposed to get me for my birthday.
Stan: DUDE!?!?! You're not supposed to tell people what to give you for your birthday!
Kyle: Yeah, that's weak.
Cartman: Look it's very simple guys. "Green Megaman" goes with "Red Megaman" and "Yellow Megaman" to make the "Ultra Mega Megaman." You have to have all 3 or it doesn't work, see?
Stan: Up yours Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.
Cartman: Ohh!!! so maybe you don't want to have any of my moms Cake, Pie, and Ice cream then.
Stan: Oh "Gre..Green Megaman" it is.
Cartman: Now as you can see Kenny, you are to get me "Yellow Megaman," that's because the "Yellow Megaman" is the cheapest one and I know how poor your family is.
(Damien walks to table)
Stan: Hey!?!?! what do you think you're doing new kid?
Cartman: Yeah, you can't sit with us weirdo.
Damien: Infidel's!!!! I will turn you all into "Beasts of Burden"!
Kyle: You can't sit with us new kid, go find another table!
(Damien goes and sits with Pip)
Cartman: (sighs) Anyway Kenny, "Yellow Megaman" is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments in a year, or two.
(Stan, Kyle, and Cartman laugh. Kenny punches Cartman)
Cartman: AYYY!!!!

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman