South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralStan Marsh Quotes
Dude, a self hating Jew? You are becoming a stereotype.
Kyle: How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Stan: At least a couple hours.
Kyle: Do you think he'll be okay?
Cartman (walking off): He's fine!
(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!
Hey look what the postman brought me! It's a big brown package from Afghanistan!
Kyle: (after Stan puts up the miniature flag) Dude, I thought those Afghani kids talked to us about not liking America...
Stan: No, dude. America might have some problems, but it's our home. Our country. Our team. And if you don't want to root for your team, then just get the hell out of the stadium.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Go America. Go Broncos.
Kyle: Yeah, go Broncos.
Cartman: Yeah.
Kyle: Remember when life used to be simple and cool?
Cartman: Not really.
Butters: (walks to the bus stop) Uh, hey. How's it going fellas?
Stan: Butters! What the hell do you think you're doing??
Butters: Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why? How come you're wearing them oogy spaceman masks?
Kyle: These are gas masks, Butters!
Stan: Yeah, if you don't wear a gas mask, you'll be easily exposed to smallpox or anthrax!
Butters: What?! Oh, Jesus! I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas! W-what do I do??
Stan: There's nothing you can doexcept stop breathing.
Butters: Stop breathing??
Kyle: Yeah, you can't get it if you don't breath.
Butters: Oh, all right, then! (inhales deeply and holds breath)
Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!
Military Leader: Hello, boys. How are you doing?
Stan: Fine.
Military Leader: Say, boys, this may sound a little odd, but Have you seen a talking towel around anywhere?
Kyle: What? You mean Towelie?
Military Leader: (speaks into the two-way radio) Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a Code 5 in (checks map) Park County, Colorado. I repeat, Code 5, Park County, Colorado.
Cartman: What, dude?
(The Military Leader and soldier drive away.)
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be one long ass day
Stan: It's Saturday at 2:30 that means we have39 hours to play game-sphere until school on Monday.
Kyle: I don't have to go to the lake!
Cartman: Awesome!
Kyle:She says that's fine, but I still have to go to baseball practice.
Stan: Oh yeah, we've got baseball practice tonight. Goddamn it!
Cartman: We shouldn't have this many responsibilities. We're children!
Stan: It's alright we can still play for 6 more hours, and then we can go play baseball.
Towelie: (walks in) Don't forget to bring a towel!
Kyle: Oh, no.
Towelie : When you're playing sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why Towelie says "Always keep an extra towel in your duffel bag".
Stan: Okay, we will.
Towelie: All right! (pauses) You wanna get high?
Kyle: No, we don't want to get high.
Towelie: Oh. Okay... Are you sure?
Cartman: Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
(Towelie walks away.)
Stan: Oh, dude did you see that? I just cut off your face and ate it!
Cartman: That's so cool!
Towelie: Oh man
Stan: What?
Towelie: I am so high right nowI have no idea what's going on.
Stan: Jesus, is Cartman still in the bathroom?
Kyle: Hey Cartman! We're almost to level 20! Are you giving birth in there or what?
Cartman: Let a man take a crap.
Stan: Dude, he's in there punishing my toilet.
Kyle: Yeah, that poor, poor thing.
