Family Guy

Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 16)

Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there.
Brian: Okay.
(Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie)
Stewie: Brian, pick up. Over.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking. Over.
Brian: (sighs) What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Brian: No.
Stewie: Nooooo what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over.
Brian: Wait, If you haven't started feeding it, why'd ya ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that. Over.
Brian: I said why did ya ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it. Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now. Over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know, you're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what? You've got to finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it, my sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what, Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- wait a minute. I have to say over, even if the sentence ends with the word over?
Stewie: Ends with the word what, Brian? Over.
(the wire descends through the wall)
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what? Over.
Brian: Over! (yanks on the wire, pulling Stewie down with it)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: (about Meg's wedding dress) Look at her fat shoulders in those spaghetti straps. It's like bread baking around twine!
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Stewie: Hey, Brian, knock knock!
Brian: Who's there?
Stewie: (whispering) Two friends, building a house together.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Lois: Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go to sleep without it.
Peter: I threw it away.
Stewie: What?! What the hell man I don't throw away your stuff. And where's my goat?
Lois: Peter, why would you do that?
Peter: Because Speedy Gonzales is an immigrant and a bad influence on our children!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter, why are you wearing that suit?
Stewie: Yes, you look like the statue of liberty's pimp.
(Stewie and Brian share a High-five)
 • Rating: Unrated

(The family returns home)
Brian: Boy, I sure hope they find him. Otherwise we're all gonna be-
(a gun cocks, camera cuts to Stewie)
Stewie: So, it's all out in the open now, isn't it?
Peter: Stewie, uh, how long have you been all messed up and evil like this?
Stewie: Oh, so now you're interested in Stewie? Last week when I made that macaroni picture of an owl, you didn't give a damn!
Peter: That was an owl?
Stewie: Yes, and now we're going to look at it again. (Hits Peter in the knees, and drags him over to the picture. Stewie begins yelling while holding a gun to Peter's head) Look, Look, do you like it?!
Peter: (scared) Yes.
Stewie: What do you like about it specifically?!
Peter: (scared) I don't know.
Stewie: Pick something or I'll blow your brains out!
Peter: (scared) I like... how it looks like an owl.
Stewie: Thank you for the compliment!
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: (knocking on the door) Hey, everything okay in there? I heard shouting.
Stewie: Dog, answer it. Tell him "Yes, everything's fine."
Brian: (opens the door) Yes Joe, everything's fine.
Joe: Ah, okay, good.
Stewie: (hiding behind the door, telling Brian what to say) Make fun of his wheelchair.
Brian: What?
Joe: What?
Stewie: Do it! Say "ha ha ha ha ha ha, you're in a wheelchair."
Brian: (to Joe) Ha ha ha ha ha ha, you're in a wheelchair.
Joe: What's that supposed to mean?
Stewie: Say "I bet you can't get a boner."
Brian: (to Joe) I bet you can't get a boner.
Joe: That's not very nice, Brian.
Stewie: "Neither is your mother's ass."
Brian: (to Joe) Neither is your mother's ass.
Joe: Well, I'll give you that one.
Stewie: Now tell him you've always thought he was handsome.
Brian: (to Joe) I've always thought you were handsome.
Joe: Well, I gotta tell you Brian, I'm relieved to hear you say that. Please call me if you see any sign of Stewie.
Stewie: Tell him "ha ha ha ha ha ha, just kidding about the handsome thing.
Brian: Oh come on.
Stewie: Do it!
Brian: Come on, that meant a lot to him.
(Stewie cocks the gun)
Brian: (to Joe) Ha ha ha ha ha ha, just kidding about the handsome thing.
Joe: Ah, well that's, uh disappointing. I needed that boost today.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Won't be long before the police notice Cleveland's disappearance. Black man gone missing, my God the media will be all over that.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Brian and Stewie back out of the driveway)
Stewie: Oooh, there's Joe. Say "Joe, I think you're cool."
Brian: Joe, I think you're cool.
Joe: Well, thank you Brian. That's gonna get me through the rest of this yard work.
Stewie: No, just kidding, you suck.
Brian: (to Joe) No, just kidding, you suck.
Stewie: Queer.
Brian: (to Joe) Queer. (Brian drives away)
Joe: Ah, well there goes my smile.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: (to Stan Smith) I'd drop the gun if I were you, Joe.
Stan: What? It's Stan.
Stewie: Oh, sorry. You look sort of like someone from- Anyway, I'd drop the gun if I were you.
 • Rating: Unrated

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