Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Stewie: Ah, look at this, she's taped photographs of Virginia Woolf and Katy Perry on the inside cover, as if she's some sort of hip hybrid of those two things.
Brian: Yeah, like she could ever write "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"
Stewie: "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" was not written by Virginia Woolf.
Brian: Yeah, obviously, but y'know, it's pretty much about her.
Stewie: It really isn't, Brian.

Meg: Oh, he's so cute!
Stewie: Oh my god, we're getting closer to the beginning! You're Lacey Chabert!

I've taken on bigger challenges before. I had to explain to America why Heidi Klum broke up with Seal. [smash cut to Stewie facing the screen against a white background] Face.

What kind of jerk alters time and then falls asleep?

Stewie: Brian, what the hell are you doing in here? What's happening to my time machine?
Brian: I don't know man, I saw Meg leaving a minute ago going "mwuhahahahaha" but I don't know.

Well, now I've seen Woodrow Wilson naked.

Stay away from my brother's butt.

Look, Brian! Meg is one of the sensitive, bearded Robin Williams characters!

Stewie: Lee writes: "Dear Family Guy, was your show based on anything?" That's a great question, Lee. In fact, Family Guy is based on an American television series called The Simpsons.

You know what's messed up? This is all for charity. All the proceeds are going to Oxfam.

Brian: What do you want to do for 20 minutes?
Stewie: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna work out. That's how you stay in shape. Just fit it in when you have free time Wherever you are, wherever you can...there's semen on this floor.

Oh no, he's one of those parkour free-running guys, we'll never catch him!

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 413 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter