Family Guy

Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 30)

Stewie [to maid]: So, which of the Latin countries are you from? The one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine, or the one with the fancy hats?
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Stewie [on Sesame Street phone]: Yes, uh Grover what is it, this has to be quick, I am so pressed... Yes, the letter G is wonderful... Of course, and the number 6... Oh ok, ok, Gr, Grover, Grover, GROVER, GROVER, GROVER... you, you know what? If you're gonna shout, we can just talk later... Oh uh oh alright, you know what? Call me back when you calm down
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: That coffee mug that you have on your desk, it says life's a beach? Umm, that's dangerously close to the word bitch isn't it?
Brian: Uhh, yeah that's the joke.
Stewie: Oh, absolutely! And nobody appreciates a little joke like Stewie, and you know between you and me I think it's a stitch, but some of the other employees found it offensive.
Brian: Other Employees? Who else works here besides me?
Stewie: F**k you! That's who works here
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: I'm gonna go get some oranges, Stewie. Here, hold this bag for Mommy.
Stewie: Oh, what brilliant parenting, Lois, leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. You know, I just might asphyxiate myself just to teach you a lesson! [attempts to put bag on his head, but fails because it's too large] Here I go, just like that boy from INXS. I'm going to do it...I'm going to do it... [quits] Blast! Good lord, woman, either I was a C-section, or you're Wonder Woman.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: I haven't seen one female baby since we got here. This place is a sausage fest.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Peter, Peter! There's so much doodie in here.. I can't take it anymore.... I haven't eaten in four days cause... I just can't fit anymore in there. Help me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie [to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend]: Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow!" Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Stewie: You know what I do Meg? I spit in your mouth while you sleep
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Stewie [to Meg]: So, umm...this is uhh..awkward but uhh..have we ever actually, you know, met? I mean I don't even know, say for example, if you have a room up there. You know? A room? I have a room. You know Meg if you kill yourself now you'll probably get a full page in the yearbook. So, umm...you know thats something to think abou..(burps)..oops just burped
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Yes! I'm going to wow her tonight Rupert, I'm going to be cooler than Brian when he hangs out at the bowling alley.
Brian: That's what I love about high school girls... I keep geting older, they stay the same age, hehehe, yes they do, yes they do...
 • Rating: Unrated

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