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Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells
- Permalink: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seem...
College Girl: Are you in a fraternity little boy?
Stewie: Not yet but I'm thinking about joining I Felta Thi
- Permalink: Are you in a fraternity little boy? Not yet but I'm thinking a...
Susan Sarandon: Hi, I'm Susan Sarandon. A lot of you know me as Tim Robbins' mother, but I'm actually his girlfriend. And this is Stewie. Stewie: What the deuce?
Susan Sarandon: For less then a ticket price for one of my movies about capital punishment or neo-feminism, you can make sure Stewie never goes hungry again.
Stewie: Yes, and from the look of those sweater cows, so could you
- Permalink: What the deuce? For less then a ticket price for one of my mov...
Lois: Jump in, sweetie! The turtle will protect you!
Stewie: I'm supposed to entrust my life to a turtle?! Nature's "D" student?
- Permalink: Jump in, sweetie! The turtle will protect you! I'm supposed to...
I don't suppose you have any valium on you? Of course not, you're leading the straight life now
- Permalink: I don't suppose you have any valium on you? Of course not, you'r...
Brian: Well, well, looks like you're in love.
Stewie: Ha! That's so funny I forgot to laugh...excluding that first "ha!"
Brian: Face it, you're a sucker for a woman with blue eyes.
Stewie: Aha! Her eyes are green!
Brian: Aha! Thanks for proving my point.
- Permalink: Well, well, looks like you're in love. Ha! That's so funny I f...
Stewie: You remember that episode of the Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life and Greg became his slave?
Stewie: Good. It's on tonight. Tape it for me, and put a nice label on it
- Permalink: You remember that episode of the Brady Bunch where Bobby saved G...
Stewie: Go on, hot wire it!
Brian: Hot wire? I don't even pump my own gas.
- Permalink: Go on, hot wire it! Hot wire? I don't even pump my own gas.
Brian [at mom's funeral]: Say something.
Brian: Just say something please.
Stewie: For god's sake. Um... "Yea, and God said on to Abraham, 'You will kill your son Isaac'. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you, You'll have to speak into the microphone.' And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, Check, Check. Jerry pull the high end out I'm, getting some hiss back here.'"
Brian: Say something about my mother!
Stewie: Oh yes, I'm sorry. I never knew Biscuit as a Dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian: Thanks. That's enough.
Stewie: Yes. Requiem in Terra Pax, and so forth. Amen
- Permalink: Say something. What? Just say something please. For god's ...
Brian: Listen kid, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Stewie: Ugh, you're not coming out of the closet, are you? Why does everyone always come out to me?
- Permalink: Listen kid, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. U...
Betty: Is that Brian? Oh, and you brought a little friend. Well, I bet you're a hungry little fella.
Stewie: Yes, I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull. Now change me!
- Permalink: Is that Brian? Oh, and you brought a little friend. Well, I bet ...
There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore
- Permalink: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it...