Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Lois: Honey, it's not going to go away just because you don't like it.
Stewie: Well then, my goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die!

Lois: Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell!

Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb

Stewie: Well, well mother, we meet again.
Lois: Stewie, I thought I tucked you in an hour ago.
Stewie: Not tightly enough it would seem, and now you contemptible harpy, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny!

Lois: When you were born the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen.
Stewie: But, of course. That was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille!

You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!

Displaying quotes 409 - 414 of 414 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley