You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you"

Hello, I'm Stewie. Big fan

Peter: Look. Here they are. My family. Guys, I don't say this often enough, but I'm gonna die!
Lois: Oh my god.
Stewie: High five! Anyone? Anyone?

What's that? Oh yeah. I love crack, I'm absolutly coo-coo for crack

God! Do you people speak every language except english? Yo quiero pancakes! Done ma pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!

Stewie: What the hell is this?
Lois: Sweetie, that's tuna salad.
Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food

You're urinating! So, it's been you all along. Oh, this is too perfect! I've been taking the blame for Rex!

Oh dear me, yes yes, this is how I wanted to enter the new millennium...locked in the basement with imbeciles dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong

Meg: There's no factory?
Stewie: Ha! Very good, fat man! We follow the Pied Piper of Hamsteak to the Gates of Oblivion, and look what it's brought us! We're finished! We're done! Game over, man! Game over!

Why does the man drop his club before he runs? I would bring it with me!

Stewie: We're in the robot chicken universe
Peter: Will you guys move, you're blocking the tv
Chris: Look! GI Joe, Transformers, Thunder Cats, He-Man. Yay! Those shows existed!
Stewie: how does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds
Chris: $!%@ you!

Take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty dog

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley