Stewie Griffin Quotes
Gosh Brian, I sure hope this next leap, will be the leap home
Stewie: You, you seem to know all the players in this poorly acted farce. What do they call that one?
Chris: That's Meg dude. You know that.
Stewie: Meg! You vile, smelly girl. You're not to touch any of my things. Do you understand me? Dirty, dirty girl
Stewie: I say, am I to strut about all day like a beggar child in Calcutta? Fetch me something linen to throw on before I call child services.
Lois: Please don't threaten mommy. She's very hot
Stewie: You there, child woman. I'll give you a shiny new dime if you roll me into the nearest lake.
Meg: Let me see if I can find you a juice box 'kay.
Stewie: Yes, get the lead out pudgy
Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE2
Lois: Now you shouldn't be frightened Stewie. What you saw was actually a very beautiful thing.
Stewie: Evidentally, madame, you and I differ greatly in our conception of beauty. Because what I just witnessed was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls!
Lois: Stewie, mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way. In fact sweetie, that's sort of how you were created.
Stewie: Oh! That is a vile and odious lie! How dare you fill my head with such loathesome propaganda! Get out you horrid woman! Get out!
Bonnie: The movers tracked grease all over my carpet. I tried everything to get the stain out.
Lois: What about lemon juice?
Bonnie: Oh, what about club soda?
Stewie: What about shutting the hell up?
[Stewie stumbles up to Lois...]
Stewie: Hello mother, care to partake in your oh so exhilarating games of Peek-A-Boo?
Lois: Oh my god, my baby's drunk!
Peter: No I'm not, what, oh him? Oh yeah, he's a real light weight
For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
Stewie: Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don't already know! Ah Sun Tzu's The Art of War.
Lois: Stewie, those books aren't for babies. Here, watch the Teletubbies.
Stewie: How dare you! That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind
Stewie: I'm in seering pain!
Lois: Oh, you're just teething, Stewie. It's a normal part of a baby's life.
Stewie: Very well then. I order you to kill me at once!
Lois: Bye bye Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight.
Stewie: Burn in hell!