Alan: The only reason to wear a hat on a date is to cover a bald spot.
Walden: Here you go, for your next date.

Walden: How do I look?
Alan: Your face should be on gay money.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: You're like an Alzheimer's patient in a whorehouse.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: You're constantly surprised that you're getting screwed, and you don't want to pay for it

Yeah, hi. I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working out.

Charlie