Alan: The only reason to wear a hat on a date is to cover a bald spot.
Walden: Here you go, for your next date.

Walden: How do I look?
Alan: Your face should be on gay money.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Women reject me for 100 different reasons. White teeth would reduce that to 99 problems.

Alan

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.