Alan: The only reason to wear a hat on a date is to cover a bald spot.
Walden: Here you go, for your next date.


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Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 3 Quotes

This guy is like genital herpes. once you got him, you get him for life.

Berta

Alan: Remember, at grandma's we have to pee while sitting down so you don't get splatter anywhere.
Jake: I'll manage and that's how you pee anyway.