Alan [after finding his mother's bra in Charlie's car]: Holy mother of God!
Charlie: No, no, unholy mother of us!

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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 4 Quotes

Jake: I think you should have gotten a car like Greg's.
Charlie: Okay, do yourself a favor and stop worshipping this dude. There's already a guy in your life who's worth looking up to and modeling yourself after.
Jake: Dad?
Charlie: ...okay, two guys

Jake: I still don't understand why my mom had to break up with Greg.
Charlie: Well, it could have been worse. She could have married him and then broken up with him. When I was your age, I was already on my third stepfather, and I kind of liked the second one