Charlie: I can't risk letting you scar the kid forever.
Alan: What do you mean by that?
Charlie: Face it, Alan, what can you bring to the table other than a lifetime of abject failure with women?
Alan: It's not a lifetime yet.
Charlie: I, on the other hand, have a wealth of experience to offer.
Alan: He's twelve, he doesn't need know how to choreograph a three-way.
Charlie: I'm not talking about that—I'm saving that for prom night

Related Quotes:
Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 22 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 22 Quotes

Alan: What's going on in school?
Jake: Nothing
Alan: Nothing? You just sit there all day and stare at the wall?
Jake: That's where the clock is.

Charlie: Ha, one kiss and he's ready to marry the girl.
Alan: So?
Charlie: So you don't have to worry, he's definitely your son