I fell asleep at a Raymour and Flanigan last week and a black family tried to buy me.

Hank

Jack: Bottled water?
Hank: I'm not fancy like that, Jack If I get thirsty, I'll just drink the water from lunch I saved in my cheek.

I once pants-ed Deepak Chopra while Craig T. Nelson taped it. I don't meditate.

Jack

Jack: Meditation is a waste of time, time you could've spent reading that book he gave you on business lunches: Buffet...on Buffets.

Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French or kissing after sex.

Jack

As the doctor said to me after my Hepatitis test, 'you got it, sweetheart!'

Hazel

I don't need any more bad luck. Do you know how many mirrors I've smashed because I thought it was a blonde woman mocking me?

Jenna

Liz: Jenna accused me of trying to destroy her because her lines didn't have any K sounds, which she thinks is the funniest sound
Pete: Oh my God. My cousin Karl crashed his car. And now he is in a coma at the Kendall Clinic.

Eyes down here, boys. I have breasts, you know?

Hazel

I think Coca-Coola brand Diet Banana Lime causes Tayamaneh.

Liz

I bought a restaurant grade onion ringer.

Liz

I started eating the onion part of my onion rings.

Liz

30 Rock Season 6 Quotes

Oh, poor baby. Can't hack it in the big city? Gonna move to the bay area now, pretend that that was your dream the whole time? Have fun always carrying a light sweater.

Jenna

Trust me. Any girl would wanna dance with you. You're rich, and you're fat so you'll die young. Women love that.

Jenna