Better Off Ted Quotes
Phil: We really should have been reading these memos.
Lem: Damn! We didn't have to work on Thanksgiving!
Phil: And look! Like I suspected, we were supposed to be wearing lead aprons when we were working on that genital x-ray project.
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Ted, a little chaos can be a good thing. My grandma met my grandma when a tornado blew her into his barn. He pulled the rake out of her chest and proposed on the spot.Linda
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Veronica: Here, I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.
Walter: I'm not Dutch. And the Dutch don't smear herring on half the things you say they day.
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And so this new line of meals-ready-to eat gives the soldier in the field a portable meal with all the home-cooked flavor of something Mom used to chemically dehydrate and vacuum pack.Lem
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Janet: The company doesn't make mistakes.
Ted: What about that memo announcing "Casual Fribsday"?
Janet: The company said that wasn't a mistake. They explained that the ancient Mayans prophesied Fribsday--the first ever eighth day of the week which will occur in 2024. Which the company believes should be celebrated casually. I'm going to wear a denim pantsuit.
Ted: And when they urged all employees to "carpoop"?
Janet: That wasn't mandatory. Thank God.
Ted: Although we did find out what people would do to park slightly closer to the building.
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Veronica: I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate...
Linda: Don't tell me. The Dutch.
Veronica: I don't hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That's why I hold them to a higher standard.
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So this is guilt, huh? In the past, I've always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions, like sugar or drunk.Veronica
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Veronica: I was up against this man--Walter--who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?
Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
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Ted: "Employees must now use offensive or insulting language in the workplace." This has to be a mistake. Why would the company want us to swear at each other?
Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.
Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."
Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.
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