Better Off Ted Season 1 Quotes
Clark: Mr. Crisp, you had a near-unanimous rating of "excellent." In fact, there were even several write-ins of "adorable."
Veronica: Oh, brother, look out Jesus
Phil: Do you think I look like a possum in this shirt?
Lem: Not in that shirt. Why?
Veronica: Legal says you have to wear a parachute.
Lem: Why? At the height I'm going, a parachute will be useless.
Veronica: Not from a legal standpoint. Good luck
Lem: Did you disable the camera?
Dr. Bhamba: Did you disable your stupid-question filter?
Lem: I thought I did
We're not here because the company needs us. We're here because we need you. You bring out the best in each of us. You take a bunch of barely functional, socially awkward semi-creepy scientists, and one beautifully normal product tester, and make us a team
Linda [to Ted]
Linda: Listen to my tone and not my words. We can't just stand here and let them take Ted away from us. He is the shiniest employee we have.
Lem: Did you just say "shiniest"?
Linda: Again, listen to my tone and not my words. We have to do something.
Phil: Linda's tone is right. We can't function without Ted
Ted: You know, I'd like to believe after everything I've done for this company over the years, they'd show me a little more loyalty than this.
Veronica: Yes, I know it's hard to accept that giant companies don't care about people. I know how hard it was for me when I first realized it... when I was 8.
Linda: I can't believe the company is treating you like this. Doesn't it make you want to scream or put your fist through a wall or rub your junk on the CEO's chair?
Ted: Yes, yes, and I only use my junk for good, not evil. With great junk comes great responsibility
Dr. Bhamba: And why do you get to be in charge? As I recall, you were the only one who ran from the octo-chicken.
Linda: Well, it freaked me out when it came down from its web.
Dr. Bhamba: You're weak and have no leadership qualities.
Linda: I can lead. Maybe you're just a crappy follower, did you ever think of that?
Veridian Dynamics. Individuals=--we believe everyone is special, irreplaceable, and will follow the thing walk in in front of it. That's why we celebrate all individuals, even ones going nowhere. Veridian Dynamics--because you can't spell "individual" without "Veridian." And "U." And an "L."
Commercial
Veronica: Linda, you're in charge of the lab. I leave it all to you.
Linda: Me?
Veronica: I don't like it down there. it's chilly, the people are odd, and it smells like science.
Linda: Well, I'm not a huge fan of that place either. Last time I was down there, i got chased by some weird eight-legged bird.
Veronica: Ah, the octo-chicken. We had such hopes for that
But rebooting would shut down Veridian's entire worldwide operation. And that mean money, which the company never parts with unless forced to by a government stronger than they are. And there's only three of those left
Veronica
