Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Family Guy Quotes
Come by and apply for a Han job and I'll get you off and running! Other websites jerk you around and don't finish what they started but Han job will have you shooting for the stars!
Peter
Mort: Am I the only one with a gold star on their uniform?
Klaus: It's just for record-keeping. Ok let's go!
Rush Limbaugh: Limbaugh Rule #1: No tax dodging Jedis in my pit!
Chris: Religion is tax exempt! Jedi's a religion!
Well, sorry doesn't show me nipples worth seeing!
Peter
Lois: Is it a blood diamond?
Peter: Only the bloodiest.
Lindsey [dressed as Lois]" Thanks for buying me these clothes, Glenn.
Quagmire: You're welcome. [to Mort, also dressed as Lois] And you're dismissed.
Mort: Do I still get to keep the twenty?
Peter: I gotta take a bath. [Billy is watching him]
Billy: Go on then. We're both men.
Peter: Well.... alright I guess.
Billy: There you go... [Peter gets naked and Billy starts laughing] ...look at that? What is th... WOAH Solar eclipse blocking the sun, do not look directly at it. [laughs again]
Peter: What... what, what, what the hell... what are you doing?
Billy: I'm just making a comment... ummm... need to know something. Do you hear the word "Morbidly" a lot?
Anyway, I'm off to read Meg's diary. I've only been here one night, but I get the sense we all dislike Meg.
Billy
Lois: So, Billy. I hope the couch was alright.
Billy: Yeah. A lot better than the floor. And I should know because I went down on the floor, thinking it was gonna be a lot better than the couch.
Peter: I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.
Lois: You know, there's something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family.
Brian: Come on, Lois, I think you're overreacting. What's so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies?
Lois: Buddies? You're one of his buddies?
Brian: Yeah, and you know why? 'Cause I don't try to tell what he can and can't do.
Lois: Oh, please, Brian. You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. You're his property.
Believe it or not, men like to cuddle. Even cold, unfeeling men like Charles Bronson.
Peter
Peter: I mean, who says the body next to you has to be male or female? Or whatever!
Quagmire: Or alive!
Peter: Yeah! Well, no. But yeah!
